Subject: RE: 40 something, constant suicidal thoughts
Posted by: Lesbo
Message:
Thank you for your responses. Let me explain a few things which will probably make things clearer.
I had some therapy when I was about 18 but never persisted with it. I spent many years abusing drugs and alcohol and was told I was anorexic.... I do have a distorted body image but that is something I am able to control.
I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2 years ago and had to stop working as a result. I was in nursing and it was a huge adjustment for me to have to give up what I loved doing. When I was diagnosed, I immediately knew that I would not "allow" myself to end up in a wheelchair and that I would control the extent to which the disease affected me.
I have to inject myself with interferons every week and have been having to have huge doses of cortisone treatment every 3 or 4 months. I know the cortisone affects my mood horribly and after I have had treatments, I get very "down". I was getting therapy (to help me cope with the whole disease and the resulting disability),which came out of my savings portion of my medical aid. I relocated 8 months ago and had to end my sessions with the therapist due to my move but also because my medical savings portion was exhausted with the therapy bills.
For the past few months I have been depressed and I know that if I am going to survive, I need to get therapy. I was very depressed last month and my partner called my ex therapist who I have kept contact with, to speak to me. She knew I was on the verge of pulling the plug and suggested that I get a psychiatric evaluation done so that I could get onto proper medication. My partner contacted my medical aid to ask if they would cover psychiatric consultations and they said they only pay for these services out of my savings portion which, I have no funds in as yet
I have reached a point where I truly no longer want to continue with my life and that is why I have been getting my affairs in order but for the sake of my partner and my family, I thought maybe I could try to see if therapy and medication would help me through this period. However, I do not live near any universities or medical schools to be able to make use of their facilities. I don't really need to speak to anyone to have them convince me that "things will get better"...... I think a helpline is a good idea when there is an emergency situation and a person is really desperate but, in my case, I am not irrational or desperate......I was just hoping that there would be some way that I could get therapy without having to be able to get to an university or medical school....... Thanks for the suggestions though
Date: 11/2/2007