Posted by: ANON2904 | 2009/03/24


i have a lil girl turning 3 in june, her father and i have not been living togteher since november last year and we made a shared residency agreement between us that we have her 2 days on 2 days off and every 2nd weekend etc..... so that we get exactly equal time with her ...she hasnt shown any problems till she started school 2 weeks ago and everytime she is by me she starts screaming at night for me and wont sleep unless im there by her...when she falls asleep she wakes up screaming for me and is only settled if she is holding me or sleeping next to me, i still asked her does she wanna stay by daddy to see if it was me and she said no she wanst to stay by me and she only acts up like this when she is by me and not her she getting seperation anxiety frome me?? if so why only by me and not the dad as we get equal time with her

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Hi there,
it is a time where your daughter has to make a new adjustment. Going to school is a big thing. The fact that she reacts with you and not her dad, I'm curious to know whether it is also quite a big thing for you that she goes to school now? Children pick up on their parents emotions and if it is possible that you are anxious about something she may be acting on this. How does this sound to you?
It is wonderful that have such a shared agreement and your daughter is very fortunate for it. Trust that all is well and let her know that. Let her know that both mommy and daddy love her very much and how proud you are that has started school.
If possible share this with her father so that you can both reassure her on the same level.

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All the best

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2009/03/31

well im definitely the one that jumps to her defense when she is acting up, comfort her immediately sometimes have to sit next to her bed till she falls asleep else she screams for me all night... even if im laying next to her she will wake up and scream for me till she sees im stll there and goes back to sleep.....the father does shout a helluva allot compared to me and im definitley the calmer and the more nuturing and loveable one

Reply to anon
Posted by: SADSA | 2009/03/30

Hi, well this sounds fine. How does her dad response to school and her behaviour relate? Could she be comfortable expressing her anxiety with you?
Keep dong what you are doing and reassure her and connect with her in ways that are comfortable for her. Get her to draw or play with her dolls and look for the messages.

Reply to SADSA
Posted by: ANON2904 | 2009/03/26

Hi there.
thanks for ur response....the first day was difficult for me in a good way, it was a bitter sweet moment for me, but now i get her all excited for school and its very routine for me , so my answer would be no, not anxious at all....more excited about her going to school and we talk about her day every day that she comes back home to i wouldnt even consider this as a possibility
i have spoken to the father about this.
he doesnt even thing she should be in a school....

Reply to ANON2904

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