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Posted by: 33yo loser | 2007/08/16

33yo single guy

i work in the family business and hate it. my life has come to a standstill and i have no amnition, see no future and its killing me. i am graduated, but it too far in the past to go back to that. i am not financially stable and cannot afford to buy a house yet. i have no hobbies, i have no close friends. i have become almost numb to everything. this is not new, it has been going on for the past ten years. up and down, but mostly down. its what i feel inside me. there's a big void.
i am single. i am gay. i have trouble meeting other people because i seem aloof. and all the time i switch off when meeting new people. almost a panic reaction, but to others it seems like i lost any interest in the other, most ly within a couple of minutes of meeting someone. i shut down. i have nothing more to say. i concentrate on the state im in and it tortures me. i wasnt like this. i was outgoing, popular, fearless. my dad died in 1999. i was 25yo. i never cried. just felt a little sad. my depression started before his death. i started to doubt myself and it has rendered me like putty. i want to be active again, be dynamic. i don't have any major problems affecting me, something tangible like money, abuse from another. its a sickness inside. i dont know what to do anymore.
i have no suicidal thoughts. is it just self-pity ? please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You are not a loser unless you absolutely insist on being one. And stage one in improving matters is to stop calling yourself that and thinking of yourself as that. Sounds like there's a depression there, as well as related problems and low self-esteem. See a good local shrink fopr a full assessment and discuss treatment options. Antidepressant medication and CBT style counselling could surely help a great deal, if you allow it to do so. CBt is especially useful for revising those automatic thoughts and negative assumptions about yourself which are unnecessarily limiting your capacity to enjoy life.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: GGL | 2007/08/16

there is nothing wrong in working for your family or with your family unless you feel it is stifling who you are. the fact that you are working with/for your family despite not enjoying it shows that you do feel responsible for them and that makes you a caring guy. anyone who cares for another cannot be a loser, so please tell yourself that as a first step you are not a loser and that you will do what it takes to get yourself out of this sadness. please do see a shrink because they will advise you rightly about how to get out of the depressoion you are wrapping yourself in.

GGL
worrylistener

Reply to GGL
Posted by: Anon | 2007/08/16

33yog you are 33 years of age and still have a whole life ahead of you. It's never too late to do what your heart desires. Your thoughts of avoiding a psycholgosit because you may come across as complaining about nothing is exactly why you need to see a psychologist. You have nothing to lose but much to gain. Do it.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: 33yo guy | 2007/08/16

thnx for the replies, guys.
dropped the "loser" bit
cybershrink, i dont feel like seeing a psychologist. it would make me feel like i''m complaining over nothing and just indulging myself, which is a pretty expensive way of going about it, i should say.
i get inadequate feelings when i'm with peers. they're succesfull, happy, or so it seems like. their behaviour and the way they talk certainly makes me feel stupid and maladjusted.
cv, thnx for the inspirational words, i'll work on that. easier said than done, but worth harbouring those thoughts.
anon. exactly the reaction that makes me feel even worse. i don't want to spread the sadness. and i won't call myself a loser. it's just that i wanted to achieve so much more at this point in my life, and i ended up working for the family. it's a major blow to my self-esteem and abilities as a person.

Reply to 33yo guy
Posted by: cv | 2007/08/16

When I read your post I could see a bright young man full of life, but because youwant to feel sorry for yourself you are "killing" yourself.Go to a mirror and look to yourself and say. "I can, I will and I shall" be myself again.Go to all kind of gatherings you can think of and be your old you.What is wrong that you cant go back to your graduation, you can. Just say to yourself "I can, I will and I shall".
Good luck and God be with you.

Reply to cv
Posted by: Anon | 2007/08/16

I became so sad when i read your post. I have no advice but wish you the best. 1 little recommendation: don't call yourself a loser.

Reply to Anon

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