advertisement
Question
Posted by: Joy | 2007/05/10

25 and ABOVE

Hey all! I turned 26 the other day and am now longing for that ring on my finger! You know fourth finger, left hand? I'm bored with myself and my slight obsession. My bfriend and i have been together for 2yrs, things are great..we both know we're bound to be life partners.
We spoke over the weekend and he confessed that the things he wants most in life, he is most fearful of..like marrying me (bcause he's afraid of letting me down), and quitting his full-time job and starting a business of his own (bcause of fear of failure). I appreciated that he was so honest and open with me, but it sorta threw me off. I was thinking, oh..damn..ok...where does that leave me and my ring then??!! I reassured him, obviously, regardless, about how much faith i have in him and his abilities..he is a truly brilliant man..but had this nagging voice in my head, since then, telling me, this man's not ready, and not by a long shot!
He's super driven and ambitious. I'm afraid though, that everything else (going for him) will take preference and my needs will be pushed way down the list.
Is it my age? and damn society thats put me in this position?? it really doesnt help that my twin's married with a baby and expecting a new one soon.
How do the rest of you ladies (especially) around my age feel about this. Just dont wanna come across as desperate but am afraid i might snap and say something stupid!!

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like Fear of Failure is the common theme within his inhibitions. COuld he be encouraged to tackle that head-on within counselling ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Joy | 2007/05/11

Thanks Eckles, i'm 26..he's 29.
think u got it a bit confused.

But i hear wht the rest of you are saying. I'm currently staying on my own, enjoy my job and am happy in all other aspects of my life. I would like to take the next step, really feel ready for it bt i realize also that i cant force him to feel what i do. Guess i have to find another HOBBY??!!! hhehehee, i'll soon be over it! thanks everyone..

Reply to Joy
Posted by: eckles | 2007/05/10

JOY,
A MAN AT 26 IS NOT A WOMAN AT 26.YOU SAY HIS DRIVEN,HONEST AND YOU LOVE HIM.WELL ,GIVE HIM A GAP.ONE STEP AT A TIME.WE KNOW HE IS CONCERNED,WICH IS A NICE SURPRISE COMING FROM A MAN AT 26.(ITS NOT JUST CARS ,BARS AND FOOTBALL).
TACKLE ONE THING AT A TIME.YOUVE GOTTA CRAWL BEFORE YOU WALK,STOP WORRYING AND START PLANNING,WITH THE RIGHT CHECKS AND BALANCES YOU GUYS COULD GO FAR !!,WHY DO I SAY THIS ,AT LEAST YOUR TALKING.

Reply to eckles
Posted by: lady nina | 2007/05/10

hi girl

i in the industry i work the norm is for the girls to married well in the 30's and they are all so happy - most of the girls gets huge pay checks, have their own homes/cars and often go on over seas holidays - i spoke to one of my friends she is 33 - she said her parents told her over xmas that it would be ok for her to have a child out of marraige....
these girls are confident and mature and LOTS of fun
they are nto needy for love and attention since they are content with themselves and where they are in live, they have a passion for their jobs.

two of my other friends got married after 35 - the clock was ticking and they both wanted children.. soon after one had twins and other a little boy.... guess what? today 6 years later both are divorced and very happy single parents - great friends with the exs

i think the secret is to find your passion, do what makes you happy be content with who you are without needing another person to make you happy

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: kat | 2007/05/10

its one thing to understand where he is comming from its another to let it have that much of an impact on yours. i agree sounds like he just might not be ready but thats ok. honnestly im 29 was married young and i will say this, there is no rush, after broken marrage and all the shit that goes with it. if he is worth a bit of the wait then wait if not then dont but just remember there is no rush to do anything. i understand you dont want to wait around for him to say in 3 years time he will never marry you but you first need to figure out you want to get married. sounds to me more like its coz its what is expected than what you realy want. we all get broody but listen to your heart not the twisted heart of society. who cares what is supposed to be normal. normal is a setting on a washing machine not something you run your life by. figure out where you are in life and the rest wont matter.

Reply to kat

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement