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Question
Posted by: BoogyBabe | 2004/10/15

1yr old baby swallowed a button & died..who is to blame

My life is revolving around bad news. Why is this happening? I just got informed that last nite my couzin's 1 year old baby passed away. She was sleeping in the other room and she put the baby to sleep in the other room. When she woke up to check up on the baby, she noticed something wrong with the baby. She quickly went to a neighbor's house for aasistance. The called my aunt to come home.

The baby was kicking badly and stuggling to breathe. The called a doctor to come, when the doctor came he noticed that the baby had swallowed something he pushed it out. IT WAS A BUTTON, but after it came out he died. Now everyone is blaming the mother for being negligent. If i may say she is 20 years and doesnt know much about babies. Do u also think its her fault??

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Our expert says:
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No, I don't think it is her fault. This was obviously a tragic event, deeply upsetting to everyone. Bad things happen. We'd rather prefer not to believe that, so we'd like to find someone at fault whenever anything bad does happen. And someone like the mother in this sad story, will be inclined to blame herself even if she did nothing wrong --- we tend to feel guilty. When what happened is something so awful, we want to believe that it is possible to prevent such things ever happening, so we assume that there MUST have been some way to prevent it ; and as it obviously wasn't prevented, we feel it MUST have been someone's fault.
But babies and young children can be hard to predict. Even if they had been sleeping in the same room, the baby might have found the button ; babies like to put things in their mouths ; and so a tragedy is made. What happened would probably have been quiet, and not enough to waken the mother. But she was aware and careful enough to check on the child at times, and discovered a tragedy nearly over. Babies have very small windpipes, and choke easily.
It's important for people to give her support and comfort at a time like this, and consider aranging grief counselling. There's an organization called The Compassionate Friends ( check phone book ) which is a group of parents who have lost children, at various ages, where she might get further support from people who have had similar experiences.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/15

I agree with Q, it is definitely not her fault, it was an extremely unfortunate thing to happen. You need to let her know that it wasn't her fault, she will be blaming herself and she is in a tremendous amount of pain. If I think of having to loose my little angel, I know I won't survive and I would blame myself. You have to be strong as well in the sense that you must be there for her and be supportive, other people might just blame her as well.

I know of an incident where a father fell with his 2 year old in his arms and although he turned his body not to hurt the child he was hurt, however the hospital's didn't find anything. The child also died and I do blame the doctor's for this, they should have noticed something, but you know what, the father blames himself and they struggled to have kids. Fortunately his entire family is supporting him and giving him the love he needs, so this is what she will be needing.

Good luck and my thoughts of with her in her time of need and with you to give her the necessary support. It will be a trying time.

Take Care.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: K | 2004/10/15

This is so sad!

Can you really blame anyone and, even if you can, will it bring the little one back!

Give you cousin lots and lots of support, she is really going to need it!

Reply to K
Posted by: Q | 2004/10/15

Hi, no its not her fult its some unfortunate thing that happen, I am sure that she did not put the button there on purpose!!!!! I do not beleve that she is to blame, kids do the stupidist things i heard that n friends kid drank jik and rat poison he was 3 years old, the cuburt was locked and some how he got it open he also died nope its not her fault it was just a tradagy, support her and dont shun her she is in a world of hurt right now, and get her some truama concelling she is going to need it! Goodluck and its not your fault ithere

Reply to Q

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