Our expert says:
Firstly, don't feel hurt personally - this is not something you have done wrong. It's sadly normal that there are periods when one child may express dislike or hatred for a sib, a brother or sister. He probably enjoys irritating her because of the way she responds - if she could follow your advice to ignore him, he would find it boring to do and would probably stop.
She, on the other hand, may be discovering the power of hate - the fact that the very word worries you and draws extra attention to herself.
As well as your excellent attempts to be even-handed in how you treat the children, try to go beyond the "chocolate for her, chocolate for him" stage, and set aside a little special exclusive time for each of them - some time, whatever you can afford to give, JUST for her alone, and some JUSt for him. She may not yet understand that love is infinite - that however much love you give her brother, it cannot reduce the love you have and give, to her.
Its interesting that she emphasizes that her brother is NAUGHTY ( usually something that bothers a parent rather than a child ) and yet dislikes being scolded or corrected when she herself is naughty.
I would be a bit more worried about her statements about hating both parents and thinking of running away, beause even if she did not actually intend to act on these ideas ( and some kids do ) they indicate quite deep distress. Maybe rather than focussing on her feelings for her brother ( which is what their actions push you to do ) it would be worth focussing more attention on her feelings for herself.
I like nicholas's point about teaching respect - which one does by displaying it, and commenting on it, rather than by lectures.
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