Lies lovers tell

Last updated: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 Print

Relationships are complicated things. Ever got the feeling that a lover's explanation you were listening to was missing some details?

We've cracked the lover's code.

THE LIE THE TRUTH

We are just friends	Try as I might, this person just won't get into bed with me - yet
I worry about your health	If you think I am going to push you around in a wheelchair when you've got emphysema, you've got another think coming
I have never faked an orgasm	If you believe that, you'll believe anything
I like you as a friend	One step closer and I'll punch you on the nose
I want you to be successful	Can you seriously see me living as a pauper until my inheritance comes through?
Of course you aren't fat	Pick up two more kgs and I'll hit the road
I'm not ready for a relationship	Not with you anyway, not now or ever
I have only had sex with one other person	I am not counting colleagues or one-night-stands
What's mine is yours	Touch my hi-fi or video recorder and you're dead. What's more, you don't even know about my shares
I'll love you forever	You are actually the third person I've said this to, but you know how these things go
I have to go out of town on business	The tall, dark and handsome guy from accounts is coming too.
I can't make it tonight - I have family commitments	An old girlfriend/boyfriend is in town and I am having dinner at the hotel
I need space	I have met someone else
I love you when you wash the dishes	This one is true - I will also tell you how much I love you when you fetch the kids, even though it is my turn.
Of course I care about your parents	I just don't like to spend time with them
I'm not good enough for you - you deserve someone better	Actually I deserve someone better
It's not a problem at all, I understand	If you ever make me wait half an hour in the boiling sun for you again, I'll give you up for medical experiments
That outfit looks lovely	You look like Goofy, but we are already half an hour late
Of course I want to go shopping with you	What's in it for me?
I'm working late, but remember I'm doing it for us	I was the first one to manage to get a date with the new marketing manager
I'm not going to ask you again to pick up your underwear from the bathroom floor	I'll probably have to ask you another twelve thousand times
My cellphone was switched off last night, because I went to bed early	I was not alone
Of course he/she is not as attractive as you are	I can feel my nose growing longer
I love you just the way you are	What choice do I have anyway?
Sorry I didn't wait up for you	I sat in the dark in the sitting room and quickly ran to bed when I heard your car stopping