This episode can rightly be called the tawdry tale of the teflon tannies with a guest appearance by a smuggler.
In order to understand the next few episodes, the producers have enlightened us about some facts not actually visible in the programmes. Nico is a smuggler. Described inaccurately by the PR folks as "eccentric" (he's far from eccentric, but highly self-centric), he smuggled cigarettes and coffee beans onto the island. He had sewn some coffee beans into the seams of his hat and pants, and had hidden four packs of cigarettes in his underpants. And here we thought he was just pleased to see us.
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When they hurriedly crammed the mysterious back-pack, he also added two packs of cigarettes to his tribe's burden. But they fell out of the bag during the chaotic running round in the village. The underpants packs got soaked on swimming ashore, and he had to dry them in the sun or at the fire. How odd that we never saw any of this. Apparently he feared that the camera crew would confiscate them, but I gather they never interfere, even with contraband. So he smoked secretly in their bush toilet. Apart from indicating the depth of his dependence on tobacco and caffeine, this will become important to the plot.
Gruesome threesome still at it
Zayne may be regretting his policy of avoiding alliances, as he's feeling excluded from the Jacinda/Liezel/and Gareth triumvirate (and I do mean "vir") - the gruesome threesome. Jacinda is still the Queen of Cocky, the Empress of Egotism.
Gareth continues to kow-tow to the Über-women, and though that maybe tactically sensible, one can hardly respect him for this. But how long can he suppress his intelligence and remain so subservient?
Mzi casts a line, Nico casts some scorn
Again we watch Mzi fishing, flinging his line into the sea, but he loses his last hook. Yet he ingeniously fashions a new one from wire from the girls' bracelets. These fish hooks work, though they seem more weak and vulnerable. (The hooks, not the girls).
Nico reveals that he hates Brigitte. Well, I see nothing to like in her, but he really shows a talent for hating, and he isn't showing his cuddly side in this series (assuming, that is, that he has one). But his scorn is intelligent. He points out that she cheerfully doomed Sam, and hasn't even mentioned him since he left; and sneers at her for massaging "the boys" with suntan lotion. Suntan lotion? More luxuries? But her sin was more grievous than this - she stole Nico's illicit supply of cigarettes, and hid them from him. Presumably she told him that she had done this? Or did he guess? Probably, she couldn't resist telling. As usual he dramatises the situation, humming "Killing Me Softly", like a true born-again Drama King.
Reward challenge
They can win a full meal from Nando's - chicken, mealies, salad, the works. This one needs real intelligence - placing number blocks within a grid, so that each line adds to the same total. Each person plays, and one at a time. After one complete cycle through the tribes, nobody's got it right. None are really good at this. Finally, Aguila wins. Gareth, for Rana, had nearly solved it in his first attempt, but nobody noticed. The winners trot off for their feast, Nico first in line with his plate; and he later declares this to have been the best meal of his life (praise indeed from a restauranteur).
Yet again, Jacinda's magnificent leadership has failed. Gareth is becoming concerned about his tribe's methods and its way of not dealing with failures. Is this the dawning of wisdom? Or the ending of denial? Zayne helpfully comments that, "Maybe we're just losers!". Jacinda, of course, sees nothing wrong at all. With her as Leaderene, what could possibly be wrong? The Princess Pangloss knows that wherever she is, must be the best of all possible worlds. Did I mention how insufferably smug she is?
They don't usefully analyse their failures, don't learn from them, don't plan. Gareth says they don't even get angry at losing, and they all solemnly and unconvincingly insist that they are, indeed, angry.
The Invasion of the Body Snatcher
Sanele is still in great pain from his injury, and has something like a Frozen Shoulder, being unable to move his arm. We see the group asleep, wrapped in mosquito nets, looking like the Pod People in The Invasion of the Body Snatchers. And Mark arrives in a boat, to declare that on medical advice, he is taking Sanele out for a proper check-up, during which he will receive no special luxuries and the same diet as on the island. There will be no favouritism, and this is not his choice. Sanele leaves, his arm dangling, and his tribe mates don't expect to see him again.
At Rana, after sleepless nights tormented by crabs in their beds (which is even worse than ants in your pants) they finally decide to build a better shelter with a raised sleeping platform - something they should have done from the start. It seems the final straw was when the crabs chewed holes in a blouse of Jacinda's. Danielle is horrified at this enormous offence against all fashion sense she holds holy - "I want them dead - they're ruining my life!" she wails.
Immunity challenge: The burial party
Mark is back with his trademark "I-Guize". This week's challenge has some folks underground (well, under-sand, you understand) while another digs down to unlock an entrance and exit for them. In his most sepulchral tones, Mark says three "will be buried alive" in what he calls a graveyard, due to the presence of two temporary, chip-board gravestones.
For the first time, we see both teams actually doing some reasonable strategising, and overhear someone claiming to be claustrophobic, apparently having a strong fear of clausts. It's Lezel versus Mzi as the diggers and rescuers. Lezel is comprehensively, legendarily, utterly useless in every aspect of this task- spectacularly so to a degree never before seen in any series of Survivor. Mzi is briskly efficient and has his entire team out and the task completed before she has even managed the first stage. Yet another triumph of Jacinda the Leaderene! She promptly announces that she's now "Gatvol at losing". Aha. Zayne mutters something about it having been "neck and neck", but he must have been watching the wrong necks. They all comfort useless Lezel.
Gareth is still bothered that they are still not learning anything. Lezel announces that she feels responsible for the failure. Well, duh! Who else could she blame? But nobody even for an instant thinks of voting her off. Why is that concept so literally unthinkable for them? To camera, Lezel says she'd like to break up Jacinda and Danielle. Meanwhile, Gareth fears that the three women will dump him, if they tire of his poodling up to them. Zayne yet again goes on about having no alliances, as if that was a clever strategy.
The Eye-Guyz at tribal council
Mark comes to life, at long last, and presses them about how they calmly accept that of 10 challenges they have now lost eight, under Jacinda's leadership. What CEO of any company would remain in office with such a consistent record of failure? But the Teflon Tannies, to whom nothing sticks, take no real responsibility for their failures. Jacinda never answers such challenges.
Liesel, like Gareth before her, launches into a long mea culpa about how she failed, but this seems a tactical ploy, and nobody's really paying attention. The sound is still murky at times, but I think Jacinda advises that if they lose another challenge, she plans to have a hernia, which may be worth watching. She insists that "I don't lead - I just pull it together!" Pull what together?
She is so stuffed with empty jargon. "If they want to sing Kumbaya round the fire, that's fine!" She's always evasive, takes no responsibility for anything whatever, and is pompous beyond belief. What was that comment about how "some stand in the shadow of my decisions". Who does she think she is, Ozymandias? Gareth is getting more provoked, and says that "everyone has a perfect answer for everything". They vote, and it's three for Danielle, and two for Zayne. Rather like the SA Cabinet, the truly inept are never targeted.
A twerpy, torchy twist
But, just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water, Danielle the useless, is saved again. Mark suddenly reveals that as Sanele was removed on medical advice, and not voted out, he can give his torch to Danielle and save her. This was hardly the brilliant twist they had boasted of, it's a cheat. Was her own torch even extinguished yet? If not, she becomes the first person in the history of the series to have two lit torches.
And the announcement is misleading. "His flame still lives" we are told, "so now he can give it to whoever was voted out". But he was given no choice at all. Much more interesting if he could have chosen not to give it to anyone, or if he could have given it as a future immunity card, to anyone he pleased.
The only interesting part of yet another rescue of the useless, is that now she crosses to Aguila (though what those poor folk have done to deserve this punishment, isn't clear). As I recall, she offended Rana at the very start, by looking so deeply disappointed at being assigned to them rather than Aguila. Now she gets her wish, and takes her hat with that darn cerise feather with her.
Now, just as we thought Mark had gained intelligence, he tells this profoundly dysfunctional tribe that they "continue to impress him ". Gee, but he's easily impressed, isn't he? And next week, we gather that the women get sick of Nicotine and his cigarettes. "He's lost it" someone grumbles. I never thought he had it in the first place.
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