"Yes, I have cheated on girlfriends," admits Marius Roberts, popular M-Net presenter. "And it's not something I feel great about. But I know now why I did it."
Marius Roberts is currently single. Health24 spoke to him about love, relationships and marriage and cheating. Also catch him on SexEtc on M-Net.
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He's gorgeous, blonde, witty and well-known. And, no, there's no shortage of female admirers in his life. But why has he appeared on an episode about cheating?
Cheating 'a way out'
"I've had quite a few relationships in my life," says Marius. "They have been both intense and comfortable, but when push comes to shove, and I feel that it might be time to move on, I find it very difficult to be honest with the person I'm involved with. I don't want to hurt them, and then find a way out by getting involved with someone else. I realise now that that's probably even more hurtful than straightforward honesty would have been."
Another thing is that he feels that he might be setting himself up for a fall by being too nice in the beginning stages of the relationship.
"I like to think that I am a nice guy, but it's difficult to keep that up all the time and indefinitely. As time goes by, I feel as if I am presenting a picture of myself that is not entirely true and honest and partners feel disappointed when they realise that there are aspects to me for which they were unprepared."
He adds that it is so easy to be nice in the beginning of a relationship, when things are exciting. It is natural for everyone to present themselves then in the best way possible, and also to overlook small things that irritate them in their new partners things that may later become major issues.
To Marius, the nicest thing about a steady relationship is the comfort it provides.
"It's so nice at the end of a long, hard day to go out for a pleasant, relaxing dinner with your partner. You don't feel that you have to prove anything, and if you can manage to laugh about things together (especially sex), all the better."
Scuttling something that's good
So why go ahead and scuttle something while the going is so good?
"It's difficult to say. I've never really been in a relationship where I've been pressurised to take things to the next level. The pressure comes from inside myself. There's a level of intensity that gets reached, that has a tendency to bring out things from my childhood and from previous relationships. I find it difficult to be honest with a partner about these things, and up until now, this has been the point where a third party provides an escape route. I know that this is not the best way to do things and it hasn't always happened this way."
So he seems to have gone in more for a sort of serial monogamy than having several girlfriends at once. He confirms this and states that there were times that he saw several girls at once, but that he was not in a serious relationship with any of them.
Former partners 'disappointed'
He regrets that there are several of his former girlfriends who were very disappointed in his behaviour, who lost respect for him and who now have little to do with him.
"For you to have a relationship with someone, you have to be friends first and it is this friendship that I miss dearly. Many of them are really special people people with whom I could have spent a lifetime. They will always be a part of me and have shaped and molded me in some way. When there is a lack of honesty at the end of a relationship, it becomes very difficult to salvage any form of friendship, and I regret that. It is difficult to rebuild any sense of trust."
When asked about what he thinks are the essential things that make a relationship work, his answers are simple: honesty, attraction and a sense of humour. Not necessarily in that order.
"If you can laugh with someone, anything is possible. But above all, I have learnt the hard way that there is no substitute for honesty. Even if it causes hurt. One has to say what you think and feel, and be prepared to listen to your partner being honest even if it hurts your ego."
Single by choice
After a merry-go-round of relationships, some of which overlapped, Marius is now single. Definitely by choice, that is, as there will surely be no shortage of interest from pretty girls in this highly eligible bachelor.
"Reflection, insight and personal growth often happen more intensely during times when we are on our own, and not consumed by the excitement of a new relationship. We also have time to mourn our losses when a relationship has come to an end and to reflect on what went wrong."
And does he see himself ever settling down?
"Most definitely. I now know there are things in me that have stopped me from doing this in the past, but I now sincerely believe that there is no other way to maintain a relationship that is worthwhile, except by being honest and considerate in the long run. And it's also not always about me."
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