Sometimes it is just difficult. Somehow you have ended up on this date with a woman who will surely make someone else a very nice wife, but not you.

But she has stars in her eyes and you think she might already be planning the bridesmaid’s dresses.

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There are things you can say to make her run, fully convinced that she has done herself a favour.

• I got a discount the second time I was in rehab. But I have been clean now for six weeks and I am sure this time it’s going to work.
• My mother is absolutely desperate for me to get married and keeps on organising dates for me. She wants six grandchildren.
• I get bored quickly in jobs, so I tend to move around quite a lot. Same goes for places where I live.
• I am very worried about my last girlfriend. She has been very sickly after she had the triplets. I wonder if I am paying her enough maintenance.
• I just cannot say no to my mother.
• I move around a lot. That way it is difficult for creditors to track me down. Would you mind paying for this if my credit card won’t go through?
• My family all say they can’t wait to meet you. It’s been years since I took a girl home.
• My mother really freaked out when she found the handcuffs in my room.
• I am very nervous tonight. This is my first date since the court case ended. But I swear I was not guilty – and anyway, the bastard asked for it.
• My mother says she can’t wait for me to get a girlfriend – she really is tired of doing my laundry.
• I just can’t keep my flat tidy, no matter how hard I try.
• My last girlfriend kept on complaining that I spent all my time with my friends or out surfing.
• I really like strip shows – I have found them a real turn-on since I was twelve.
• I think people wash their clothes and bedding far too often.
• I live for my three Rottweilers and my Harley – in that order.
• My ex-wife is a real psycho. Not even a court interdict keeps her away. See this scar on my face?
• Don’t look now. That’s my parole officer. If he sees me I’m back inside.
• If that girl comes over and asks who you are, just say this is a business meeting.
• My dealer died last week. Do you know of anyone who could help me out?
• Do you have any guns I could buy without going through the hassle of licensing them?

(Susan Erasmus, Health24)

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