Been a couple of months since you had sex with anyone? Just remember, you are not alone. Read celebrities’ take on having an uneventful sex life.

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s a pretty good empty experience.” Woody Allen

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If it wasn’t for pickpockets and frisking at airports, I wouldn’t have any sex life at all.” Rodney Dangerfield

“I’m such a good lover, because I practise a lot on my own.” Woody Allen

“I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath’. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.” Joan Rivers

“I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there’s never any gum under any of them.” Emo Philips

“I don’t see much of Alfred any more since he got so interested in sex.” Mrs Alfred Kinsey

“It was a perfect marriage – she didn’t want to and he couldn’t.” Spike Milligan

“My love life is so bad I’m taking part in the world celibacy championships. I meet the Pope in the semi-final.” Guy Bellamy

“I was at a gay nineties party the other night. All the men were gay and all the women were ninety.” EricMorecambe

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