“When authorities warn you of the dangers of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.” Matt Groening

“The three words you don’t want to hear while making love are “Honey, I’m home” Ken Hammond

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“Everyone should be married. A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.” Sam Goldwyn

“Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being any good at them.” Jimmy Denaret

“When I eventually met Mr Right, I had no idea his first name was ‘Always’.” Rita Rudner

“If you cannot have your dear husband for a comfort and a delight, for a crosspatch, for a sofa, chair or a hotwater bottle, one can use him as a Cross to be Borne.” Stevie Smith

“If you want a good sex life the answer is communication. If you’re making love to your partner, tell her.” Ivor Dembina

“The secret of successful marriage is not to be at home too much.” Colin Chapman

“Marrying for love is a very recent idea. In the old country, they didn’t marry for love. A man married a woman because he needed an extra mule.” Woody Allen.

“Marriage is the most advanced form of warfare in the modern world.” Malcolm Bradbury

“It is relaxing to go out with my ex-wife because she already knows I am an idiot.” Warren Thomas

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