The collective psychological response to the HIV pandemic by gay men in South Africa is a powerful sense of denial.

The argument would go something like this: "I am negative until tested positive".

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So says Glenn de Swardt, Health24's Gay and Lesbian Expert, of the Triangle Project.

It must be stressed that many of the issues below are also applicable to straight couples. However, de Swardt concentrates on the gay community in the article below.

Consequences of denial
Our irrational denial initiates a pattern of bizarre consequences:

• In order to maintain our so-called 'negative' status we quite simply don't undergo regular HIV testing. We may have tested HIV negative a few years ago, or perhaps we've never tested, but we claim to be HIV-negative when in fact we don't know our status. This allows us (seemingly sincerely) to claim to be HIV-negative.
• Because we suppress our own fears of possibly being HIV-positive we easily collude with others' denial, thereby forming an alliance against the reality of HIV. We choose to believe our sexual partners when they claim to be HIV-negative in return for their not challenging us.
• This culminates in two (or more) sexual partners irrationally colluding with each other that they need not be concerned about HIV. By entering into a shared pact dominated by lust neither partner is accessible to super-ego impulses ("is this right?" and "how sure can I be that he's HIV-negative?"). In effect, HIV is banished from that space.
• Paradoxically, our very fear of HIV and Aids is often acted out in the ritual of unsafe sex, unquestionably the most manifest and blatant expression of our collective denial. This behavioural expression of denial, which is essentially deceit of both ourselves and our partners, demonstrates that many of us would rather risk our lives than deal with reality.

Drugs play a big role
Add to this the use of recreational substances, including alcohol and poppers but most alarmingly methamphetamine (also called crystal or tik, depending on which side of the railway track you live) and, quite literally, you're screwed.

There is unquestionable proof – demonstrated by recent research conducted by the MRC – that methamphetamine is playing a major role in gay men in Cape Town being infected with HIV. Other drugs feature more prominently in other provinces.

Some of us use drugs to make it easier to collude with the collective denial. In effect the queer community is in denial of two major problems: in addition to HIV, we're experiencing a crisis of endemic drug use.

The situation is compounded by the fact that HIV infection and especially methamphetamine use are so closely interfaced that our denial of each reinforces our denial of the other.

What percentage of anonymous sexual interactions taking place right now between men in countless homes, in dark rooms, shebeens and at sex clubs, do you think are unsafe? I venture that the majority of these acts can be classed as high risk. Let's get real – unsafe sex is rife.

We've developed bizarre myths that help us to feed our denial and to still our conflicts:

• Many of us believe that if someone is HIV-positive he'll definitely tell us – if he remains quiet he's magically considered to be negative. Of course we conveniently forget that he's thinking the same thing about us.
• We mistakenly believe that if someone's prepared to have unsafe sex we can safely assume that he's negative.
• We still believe that if someone looks healthy we can automatically assume that he's negative. We somehow think it's not possible for a muscle mary to be HIV-positive.
• We tell ourselves that only bottoms can be positive – that tops are somehow immune from infection.
• We automatically assume that someone we see working out regularly at gym and who leads a healthy life-style must be negative.

• We try to believe that a guy in a long-term relationship or that married and straight men can't be positive.
• We think that young twinky guys must be negative and that HIV only happens to older men. Or poor men, or very promiscuous men or thin men or black men. Always other men.

The biggest danger lies in the fact that when we, or a potential sex partner, claim to be HIV-negative we could very possibly be wrong. Although we and our partners may think we're being very sincere when we claim to be negative the truth is that the overwhelming majority of us don't really know our HIV status.

When last did you test?
If your last test was negative that doesn't mean that you're still HIV negative today. Have you or your potential sex partner had unsafe sex since your last test? Or could it be that your last test didn't detect your infection due to the window period that accompanies all tests? Has a condom perhaps broken since then? Was there one instance when either you or your potential partner may have been wired on crystal or another drug and had unsafe sex? Was there a time when you may have been too drunk to remember exactly what happened?

Consider this: if you have anonymous sex it is statistically likely that your sexual partners don't really know their own HIV status and it is very possible that you could be having sex with a partner who is HIV-positive. So how safe was your last sexual encounter?

How we break out of our collective denial of HIV? Firstly, by assuming that everyone is HIV-positive. Everyone. Regard all your sexual partners as positive, unless they can prove to you that they're negative. Of course this is very difficult to prove, but think about what's at stake here.

Secondly, because you're assuming that everyone is HIV-positive, always insist on using a condom and plenty of water-based lube. Always protect yourself. Always. If you don't know how to do this, make a point of finding out.

Thirdly, get tested for HIV. If you test negative you'll be able to value yourself more and you'll be less likely to risk your health. If you're positive, the sooner this is detected, the better for you.

Finally, remember that even if you are HIV-positive or you're concerned that you may be positive, you still need to practice safer sex. Besides the risks of infecting others, being reinfected strains your immune system and you should be doing all you can to avoid STIs such as syphilis, hepatitis and gonorrhoea.

Glenn de Swardt This article was first published in The Pink Tongue, October 2007

Rate this article Poor 1 2 3 4 5 Excellent

	Denial 10/29/2007 3:56:38 PM Tough but good article - it needs to be said if we are to take care of ourselves and each other. - Anon   HEALTH PAGE 10/29/2007 9:28:29 PM QUITE AN EYE OPENER. - JOANNE   Denial 10/30/2007 12:04:47 PM What a good eye opener article, i just want to encourage these kind of articles. i'l be circulating among my staff - Gcwally   Denial or fiction 10/31/2007 7:14:03 AM I am getting somewhat tired of reading all this "gay" messenging,the problem is it is easy to point out that gay people are the cause,carrier and overall problem.this is not accurate,infected blood and needles dont help.neither do the medical facilities available to the public help.What people should be doing is finding a cure that is free to the public,not trying to pin it os those gay men. my best friend is female and hiv positive,and also not gay nor actively having sex. - Brett   Denial 10/31/2007 7:29:15 AM Brett, I am a gay man and I agree 100% with the content of the article. It doesn't suggest that HIV is a gay disease - but it is great to see a gay public figure stand up and express concern about the gay community. If anything, we need more such articles, the fay community is totally neglected by the Department of Health when it comes to safer sex messaenging. Thanks for an insightful article! - Anon   Honest truth 11/2/2007 9:26:05 PM The article says it as it is..... - Impressed!   Yikes 3/5/2008 1:29:12 AM OK, this says it like it REAKLY is without any frills and it shocks me into a kind of wake-up mode? So well done! - Anon   Aids issue here SA 4/11/2008 1:37:40 PM hey i am a gay male and i reallly have to say too you all that i have read this website on Aids issue well frist is frist ok if you two guys are in love with each other then you two must go for an Hiv or Aids test coz if you dont get tested for that then you must before you get comited to each other coz why thats what its real love is about then you can move on together and that goes too every one no matter if you are Hetersexul or gay ok coz i had a black friend who was my best kenneth - kenneth   Ais issue SA 4/11/2008 1:46:07 PM friend to me in the world plus i saw him die in 2006 and he had yellow Fever and i dont know what els but to tell you the truth i really miss him a lot so Please people do not sleep roand and people be safe when you guys have sex ok. from kenneth - kenneth
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