Tired of spending Sundays by yourself? Of going to
singles’ bars or suffering through blind dates organised by your friends? Of
looking at the personal columns in the newspapers with more than a passing
interest? Are you tired of wincing when someone asks the dreaded question,
“How’s your love life?”
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Right. Around you are many people in relationships and
marriages. All of them must have been single at some or other time. So how did
they do it? How can you do it too?
Get happy by yourself. Putting your life on hold while waiting
for the Perfect One to appear is a mistake. Being happy and self-contained
is much more attractive than the clinging-vine-routine. Extreme neediness is
not a social asset when looking for a balanced and pleasant new partner
Avoid
looking desperate. Desperation can be smelt at fifty
paces and it does not smell nice. For both men and women, being
over-interested and coming on too strongly is a turn-off.
Check
your appearance. Ask a good friend for advice and try out what they say.
Remember that the difference between a good and a bad haircut is six weeks.
Go to the gym, get a few new clothes and make a dramatic change or two.
Remember that whether we like it or not, first impressions count.
Get your own interests. Join a book club, learn a new
language, join a sports club, do the Life Line personal growth course. These
are things you will most likely enjoy and you are also likely to meet people
there – of both sexes- who share your interests. This is often a healthy
basis for lasting relationships.
Friends are important No, you don’t have to get
involved with friends, but ask around and you will be surprised how many
people met their spouses or partners at dinner parties or braais or rugby
afternoons or weekend gatherings hosted by friends. Organised blind dates
have been known to work for a lucky few, but for the rank and file they can
be embarrassing and uncomfortable occasions.
Enlist
the help of the internet. Who knows what you might come across in the
chatrooms or on dating sites? Here you have the opportunity to make casual contact with a wide
variety of people. Just be very wary – some really sick people could also
be lurking here amongst the nice ones. Don’t give out your address and
telephone number indiscriminately – you might find yourself with a
stalker. Take the greatest of care when meeting someone you have encountered
first on the internet.
Accept
all invitations. Unless someone really makes your skin crawl, accept
invitations to social occasions. The braai at the house of the office bore
might not make your pulse race, but who knows what his brother, sister or
best friend are like?
Initiate
social events Don’t sit around waiting for things to happen. Even
if you know only two people in a new city, cook dinner, invite both of them
and ask each of them to bring two friends.
Invite others along.
Get people to join you in activities you have already planned for yourself.
A good sentence to remember is “I am going to the movies on Tuesday night
– do you want to join me?" This does not sound like you are inviting
someone out on a date. You are going anyway, whether they want to come or
not.
Show interest in other people. Everyone likes to be listened to. If you
are a good listener, you are unlikely to be lonely for long. Be friendly and
helpful, but guard against becoming a doormat.
Don't be too distant.Get
a healthy balance between being too available and being stand-offish.
People who are playing too hard-to-get also experience what it is like to be
easy-to-lose. On the other hand, there is little that is less attractive
than someone who throws him-or herself at someone who is clearly not
interested.
Get
out as much as possible. Sitting around in front of the TV or moping in
your flat night after night is not going to get you meeting any new people.
Don’t
ignore those right under your nose. The neighbour, your siblings’
friends, people at work, the attractive person you see in the supermarket
every now and then.
Become a regular.. If you go to the
same coffee shop every morning before work, you will eventually be on
greeting terms and later on speaking terms with other people who also follow
this routine. It is probably less traumatic than going to singles’ bars.
Get rid of your baggage. See a counsellor and sort out issues
you might be carrying with you from your childhood or previous
relationships. Everyone has issues, but some are serious enough to not only
put people off starting a relationship with you, but also scuttling one once
it has started.
Sometimes single is great.Remember
that it is healthy to be single between relationships. If you rush
straight from one relationship into another, chances are that you have
dependency issues and are scared of being alone and experiencing personal
growth and change.
Better single than hitched and unhappy.And
lastly, it is better to be single and happy, than desperately unhappy in a
relationship. You can never be as lonely by yourself as you can be in a
relationship that is clearly not working. - (Susan Erasmus, Health24)
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