Singer Robbie Klay has accused an Afrikaans entertainer of sexually abusing him for years. Nobody guessed. Here's how to protect your child.

The question is: if one in three children is sexually victimised, will all the children you know escape?

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It was once believed that the stereotypical paedophile was a raincoat clad "dirty old man" lurking near the neighbourhood primary school. As awareness has grown, the facts have revealed that a paedophile can come from any walk of life, any economical background, religion or race. A paedophile could be as close as the guy next door or the "grandfatherly" man down the street. There is really no stereotypical type.

Paedophiles prey on the innocence of children. They feed on the thrill of violating trust. Their aim is to find the perfect "game" and capture their victim. They are child-orientated, to the point of obsession. Such deviates spend their time watching children, talking to them and evaluating their mind frame. They watch their every move and observe their feelings. As they see each mood, they watch for what activates the change and use it to play upon children's emotions.

They play the game slowly. They are masters of patience. They befriend the child, play with them and get to know them. They see their chance to advance the "game" and they take each calculated move as it comes. Each step is carefully planned to draw the child closer to them. They gain trust, reinforce it, then eventually violate it.

Looking at the world differently
A child's mind doesn't travel in the direction that a paedophile's does. Children and adults look at the world differently. They only see a new friend, who understands them and likes to be with them. That's why it's easy for deviants to find ways to enter into a relationship with a child.

What you can do to protect your child
Wo+men Against Child Abuse ask you to make time and talk to your children and tell them that such people exist.

• Education should begin with children as young as three or four. Teach them their body is special. Teach them that all areas of the body covered by a swimming costume (for example) are private.
• Teach them they must never allow other people to touch their body.
• Teach them not to undress in front of anyone once they are old enough to undress themselves. Teach them to tell a parent immediately if someone asks them to undress, tries to undress them, touches them or tries to touch their private parts.
• Make sure your child gets plenty of positive attention at home. Victims are often children who feel lonely and lack attention and support. Spend time with your child. Talk to them. Play with them. Make the most of the time you spend with them. Get to know your child's personality traits, and mood swings. You'll be surprised at what you will learn from them.
• Teach them not to give out any personal information if someone they don't know asks them for it. This is a difficult thing for children to understand. They have hopefully been taught these details and can give them to the police when they are lost, or to teachers. Try to help them understand in which types of circumstances they can give out information and in which they shouldn't. Praise them when they get it right, and explain again why they should or shouldn't if they answered incorrectly.
• As parents, the best thing you can do is to educate your children about the world they live in. Not everyone is good and not everyone is bad. The bad, however, does exist and children need to know that. A child won't be frightened if the subject is approached as a fact of life. Education is the key for all of us and children are eager to learn.
• When it comes down to what you should teach your child and what you believe, your child should know we realise everyone's views will differ. However, please keep in mind that the more information and understanding a child has, the better kind of judgements they can make. We would all like to believe that our children will use their own instincts. However, a child does not think that anything bad will happen to them. This is their innocence.
• It is your duty as parents to be sure they understand the severity of this problem and that they be educated and aware without scaring them.

Some safety tips

• Parents can help protect their children by teaching them awareness of dangerous people and the lures used to entice children. Children should be aware of the dangers, but shouldn't feel afraid all the time.
• Set aside time to talk to your children about dangerous people and strangers. Gear the talk to your child's level of understanding. Be straightforward, without frightening the child.
• Paedophiles usually select a child they think will be an easy target. They look for children who walk alone, take shortcuts, or seem to be alienated from other children. Quite often they watch playgrounds and observe children's play habits.
• Be cautious when you select someone to care for your children. Meet them and check their references.
• Teach your children their full names, telephone numbers and physical address. They should know how to make calls to the police or other care professionals, i.e. Childline.
• Never leave children unattended in public places, a car or in shopping centres. Be sure your children know what to do if you are separated while shopping.
• Explain who a stranger is. Children should never enter a stranger's home, get into their car, or take gifts from them. Explain when a child has a right to say no to an adult.
• Be aware of anyone who pays an unusual amount of attention to your children.
• Listen to your children if they don't want to be left alone with someone.
• Ask your children to tell you about anyone who asks them to keep a secret.
• Encourage your children to use a buddy system. Advise them what to do if a stranger follows or approaches them.
• Get to know your neighbours and establish "safe homes" where children can go for help.

Written and researched by Rana Eschur, Wo+men Against Child Abuse. Contact number: (011) 789-8815

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	people are sick 2/14/2008 11:19:37 AM Thanks for the article. I can't believe how calculated these people are in seeking out a victim. It's just so sick. And generally they don't think they've done anything wrong. That's the most scary part. - richard   You magazine 2/14/2008 11:50:26 AM Saw the story about Jurie Els and the interdict against You magazine. Can't wait to see the article. - Nellie   Sheesh 2/14/2008 12:51:40 PM Am pregnant with my first child and already am hoping I can protect him/her against such vile monsters. Thanks for article. - Tanya   is it possible? 2/14/2008 12:54:01 PM Could Jurie Els have put himself in this public position to draw attention away from someone else?..........just asking - natalie   To Natalie 2/14/2008 1:17:42 PM Why on earth would anyone do something like that? destroy your whole life for someone else? I don't think so. - Philip   Where is our list 2/14/2008 1:40:08 PM It would make our lives, and our children's lives a lot easier and safer if there was a national register of paedophiles. Great article, thanks. - Stephen   Abuse 2/14/2008 2:37:02 PM Please note: It is mostly the people you know & trust with your child that ends up being the culprits & NOT total strangers. Be aware & be alert of "grandfathers" etc. being too touchy with your child when he thinks that you are not looking. For what it's worth... - Paul   Opposite also true 2/14/2008 3:08:51 PM Unfortunately many peoples have also been unfairly accused and have had their lives ruined, even if innocent. Once they're branded, the stigma sticks forever. This is sad, as we could be raising a generation that thinks hugs of friendship or reassurance cannot be only that. - Andrew   jurie else 2/14/2008 3:18:57 PM if robbie klay did not mentioned the name of the person, why did jurie asked you/ huisgenoot to stop the story, because no names was named, so is he guilty?? it is just sickening if the story is true? - charl   Protect your child 2/14/2008 3:28:20 PM I agree with Paul. My daughter was nealry abused by her own cousin and he is not even much older than her. It is the uncles, cousins and granfathers that we should keep a close eye on. - Linda   jurie els 2/14/2008 3:28:34 PM shocking. so that is the real reason he is emigrating, because he knew the truth is about to come out? just a question!!!! - karen   Appalling! 2/14/2008 3:33:24 PM My word, I cant believe well known people could stoop so low, especially if you have built up a recognized position in the entertainment circle.Lets wait and see!! - Liz   The monster is often closer to home 2/14/2008 3:36:23 PM i agree with Paul , most cases of abuse do indeed take place within families...uncles, family friends etc. I dont say place fear into your child or become neurotic about anyone other than yourself looking after them but i do think it is wise to explain to them the saftey tips discussed in the article. - Kelly   Protecting your child 2/14/2008 3:53:35 PM I agree with Paul. My ex-husband molested my little girl from before she was a year old up to 22 months when I started getting suspicious. He covered his deeds with lies, blame, etc. I think the only way to protect your child, except for informing and educating them, is to have an extremely close relationship with them. The fact is that this kind of damage cannot be erased from a child's soul and 96% of culprits do not even get to court. - gaby's mom   Robbie Klay 2/14/2008 4:24:15 PM Just wondering how all these people are so suddenly aware of the persons name that hasn't to date been mentioned or published anywhere???Hope they are all sure of their facts - BD   To BD 2/14/2008 4:42:48 PM See today's papers, BD. He applied for an interdict against a magazine and that was front page news. - michelle   It's normally not strangers! 2/14/2008 7:39:35 PM You only mention strangers that could be a threat. Isn't it a well known fact that abusers are often family or family friends? Maybe this should be highlighted! - losgemaal   Kinders 2/15/2008 7:31:16 AM Lees asb - Sanette   "Die Oom" 2/15/2008 9:12:52 AM Thumbs up to Robbie & others. People like "Die Oom" should be made public (even though Robbie & others didn't mention his name) to warn society against people like him. Is that why Jurie & Hestrie maybe fled the country & why the sudden interdict..? Makes one wonder...! I hope they realise thet they have a small kid themselves & that Hestrie refrains from ever falling pregnant again..... I dread to think what "Die Oom" might do to his own kids.... - Marius   Townhouse Complexes & paedophiles 2/15/2008 9:37:58 AM Someone in our complex molested kids.The kids use to stay over & he abused the visitors at night while his wife & kids were sleeping.He admited to molesting 3 kids in the complex for +-8 months.He received a 5 year suspended sentence,3 years house arrest & is not allowed in the town were he use to live.The other day he had the audacity to slip into the complex to visit his wife.That tells me he has no remorse.Pls look after your kids,if u r a single parent find + role models of the opisite sex - Conserned   SIES JURIE 2/15/2008 10:01:53 AM We must all listen to our children and protect them, they are so very innocent, and one such deed can destroy them mentally! It is OUR job as parents! - Sonja   cmon guys 2/15/2008 10:05:51 AM Have a bit of sensitivity. - G   Trust your kids 2/15/2008 10:54:54 AM If your child tells you about abuse take a deep long breath and listen, not Do Not get angry , do not show anger, your child will take this personally and/ or believe that they have betrayed the abuser in some way. No matter what you are going through as your child speaks, your child is going through worse, listen quietly to what they are saying, it takes unbelievable courage from a child to speak about abuse and you as the adult have to keep the doors open. - Lee   GRANFATHERS - GRANDFATHERS 2/15/2008 11:23:15 AM Lee - Trust your kids - Truly wonderful advice Paul - Abuse Linda - Protect your child I take exception with the use grandfather (or Granfather) as opposed to close family termed. I am a grandfather , with great love for my grandkids - I would be prepared to KILL anyone who harmed any of them - such is my love for them. Doll - Les Blyth
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