Exam time can be just as stressful for kids as gruelling commutes, bad bosses or endless streams of bills are for their parents.
Exam stress is an obvious and well-known stressor, but children, even young ones, are increasingly struggling with the numerous stresses of modern life, child development experts say.
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There are no statistics on rates of stress in children, and the sources of their worries are, of course, different than for adults.
"Young children can feel stressed and it can start at any age," says Rebecca Newgent, an assistant professor at the University of Arkansas' department of educational leadership, counselling and foundations.
"However, children may not recognise what they're feeling as being stress, and they may not have the vocabulary to express it. They just know they feel bad," she adds.
So what's a parent to do?
The first thing is to realise that children do experience stress, which can be hard to imagine as you watch your child zip down the street on a scooter, Newgent says.
"You think of children as having a more carefree, easygoing life," she says. "They don't have to worry about paying bills and making sure food is on the table. But their stressors are just as real and just as serious for them at their level."
Dr Neil McGibbon, Health24's Teen Expert agrees:
"What parents should consider is that a teenager's life can be just as stressful if not more so than an adult's at times. They have all the developmental tasks of the teenage years to negotiate as well as academic pressures to contend with, alongside the constraints of being dependent on the adults around them. So a warning to parents who may feel tempted to tell their children that they have it easy – think again – despite the many joys, being a teen is a stressful full-time job."
In South Africa, poverty and HIV/Aids place a huge burden on thousands of children, many of whom are forced to take on the responsibilities of adult family members.
Good stress/bad stress
“Not all stress is bad,” says Health24's Cybershrink. “It is important to remember that a bit of stress can motivate us - the trick is to get the dose right. A modest amount of stress and anxiety can provide valuable stimulus that gets us to prepare for exams or perform well on the sports field, otherwise we might not bother to put in our best effort.”
However, too much stress in a child's life can lead to physical symptoms such as stomach aches, insomnia, headaches, decreased or increased appetite, muscular aches and pains, asthma flare-ups and even high blood pressure. For some young people their skin will also become a sign of their stress, and acne or spots can become worse at these times.
Children can also become withdrawn or clingy. They may misbehave at school, miss classes or neglect their studies. Some turn to illegal substances. If stress goes unchecked, children may start to show signs of chronic anxiety and depression.
Simple steps
To help children cope with stress, experts suggest parents take some simple steps.
Start by making time for conversation. If you've ever tried, say, asking a six-year-old boy how school was going, you know no matter how many questions you ask, the most complex answer you're likely to get is: "It was OK".
That doesn't matter, says Joy Faini-Saab, an associate professor of educational theory and practice at West Virginia University. "What's most important is taking the time to try and letting the child know you're there in case they need you."
"It's really important to allow them to talk about things," Faini-Saab adds. "The conversations may not be very long and that's OK, as long as they have the opportunity to talk when they need to."
Throughout childhood, sometimes all a child needs is to have a parent there. "Sometimes, simple proximity is all that's needed," Faini-Saab says.
If a child is having trouble fitting in at school, it can help to get him involved with an after-school activity, where he can make other friends or feel good about learning something new, Newgent says.
Don’t let it last too long
"If the stress lasts too long, children can start to feel helpless and hopeless," she says. "It's very important to lead them to something that can bring a sense of accomplishment, to help them feel like they have some sense of control."
Parents can also teach their children how to cope by encouraging them to do something healthy to relieve stress. Going outside to play or getting involved with a physical activity, whether it's sports at school or some community or church-based programme, are great ideas.
Faini-Saab says the epidemic of childhood obesity means many kids aren't getting the stress-busting physical activity they need.
Limit after-school activities
Then, there's the other extreme - kids who are involved with so many activities that they never have time to simply play. Faini-Saab recommends that families limit children to no more than one or two after-school activities a week, depending on how demanding each activity is.
Younger kids in particular, need plenty of time for free play to stimulate creativity and to develop independence, and plenty of quiet time to think, dream and imagine.
"Having a balance in your life is vital, and for teens this is especially important. Adolescence can be a time of such extremes, and teens sometimes need guidance from their parents to ensure that the correct balance of work and play is achieved," adds Dr McGibbon.
"Parents sometimes become over-anxious about their children’s performance and start to push too hard, or only ever engage with their children about their academics. Having conversations about non-school related issues is just as important to be aware of what is happening in your child’s life and whether they are stressed about things."
Finally, parents need to watch how they deal with stress in their own lives. If they deal with stress in a healthy manner, their children will learn from them.
Parents should also make sure they don't confide too much in their children. Kids need reassurance that they're safe and their parents are going to handle any problems in the family.
"The level of tension is felt by the children, and if that continues for a long time, it's bound to cause them stress," Faini-Saab says. - (Updated by Ilse Pauw, November 2008)
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