Unless you spend your life watching The Osbournes, your genitals will be in harm's way, sooner or later. Whether it's telling the guy with 'roid rage at the gym he's ‘’overdeveloped” or just blasting a squash ball around the court, sooner or later you'll take one in the box. We thought you ought to know.
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Sadly, cyclists are more likely than most to do so, which is a pity, because cycling is superb exercise. And the more you pedal, the better your chance of wiping that smile off the old one-eyed snake’s dial occasionally.
There's a good reason for this: your penis is nearly twice as long as you think it is. The bad news is that most of this burgeoning tissue is tucked away inside you - probably a good thing, you'd just show off anyway. There's a reason for it, though. When you get an erection, there's a little bugle that sounds in your nether regions. It’s the signal for two arteries in your penis to stretch, to about twice their normal size. This is so they can pump a prodigious amount of blood into your manhood, enabling it to go from flaccid to rock-hard in seconds. You may have noticed this yourself at some stage.
The destination for all the blood is two long tubes of spongy tissue, which, once engorged, hold up the erection. Ingenious, right? It’s also where biking and bonking meet (apart from one obscure Danish movie).
When the arteries are damaged in any way, the blood can’t get to the erectile tissue. This can be caused by smoking, high blood pressure, a fatty diet, aging, or physical damage.
Here’s how it happens
Your penile arteries are flexible, and because the outside, visible portion of the penis can move around when flaccid, it has less chance of injury, even though it’s dangling about and making suggestions about how you spend your time.
But inside, the arteries follow the same route as the bicycle saddle. Your penis enters your groin area and extends nearly to your rectum. It’s no more than an inch below that patch of undeveloped real estate between your scrotum and your anus, known as your perineum.
It's this humble, unassuming patch of real estate that feels the shocks transmitted up from the road, through your bike saddle. Cycling on a smooth road or an exercise bike can put pressure on the nerves and arteries, but they'll generally recover in a short time.
It's when there's undue or constant pressure, or a sudden jolt, that the chances of long-term damage increase. One symptom to be aware of: if your penis feels numb after a ride, give your bike and your crotch a few days off.
Statistics
Here's on scary statistic: a survey of 800 cyclists in Denmark found that nearly half experienced some difficulty experiencing erections after a bike race. A third suffered some sustained numbness after the race. Rest assured, it wasn’t the cold weather.
Another scary statistic: in a Boston University study of men whose erection trouble was due to some physical problem, nearly half were found to have fallen onto a bicycle crossbar at some stage.
So what can you do?
First, visit a good bike shop and look at the new generation of seats. Someone will always be willing to take your money and give you something with a hole in it. The gap in the seat takes some of the pressure off Percy, but takes a little getting used to;
Lower your seat. The rule about your knee not being completely extended at the bottom of the pedal stroke applies. When your leg is extended, there should be a bend of about 10 degrees in the knee.
Stand up. Mountain bike riders get used to standing in the saddle as they hurtle over boulders, porcupines and their own fallen comrades. You should do so for a few minutes every ten minutes or so.
Change your angle. Tilt the bike seat forward. This frees the flow of blood to the crotch;
Check your size. Make sure you're riding the correct size bike. Ask an expert, preferably one who doesn’t have a vested interest in selling you a new one;
Buy new kit. Your ratty old PT shorts don't do anything for anyone, and less of all your fragile bits. Get a pair of the lycra ones with padding. You'll look the business and protect your goolies.
Practice: the more you fall, the more danger your balls are in, so learn proper biking techniques before tackling the more tricky trails.
Finally, cast a beady eye over the saddle on your exercise bike. If you use it a lot, your penile arteries are under some pressure, even if you're earthbound.
If you do have a fall and your crotch is involved, do this:
Lie down and elevate your legs. Make a sling from a towel or shirt and loop it over your legs so that it supports the scrotum;
Cool things down with an icepack or even a packet of frozen veggies. Is it fun? Of course not;
Keep an eye on things. If swelling or blue-black marks appear on your testicles, penis or thighs, head for a hospital.
Unless you spend your life watching The Osbournes, your genitals will be in harm's way, sooner or later. Whether it's telling the guy with 'roid rage at the gym he's ‘’overdeveloped” or just blasting a squash ball around the court, sooner or later you'll take one in the box. We thought you ought to know.
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