The interesting (if annoying) people have largely been voted off by a conspiracy of the Boring. So there's less room for excitement now as the conflict occurs in mutterings and glances rather than outright squabbles.
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Rob is pictured looking sad, as he grew worried that Amber would have been voted out by the other tribe, and he claimed he had "said some prayers". But then he decided to form an alliance with Alicia, lest he start to feel lonely. Considerate guy, isn't he? The two of them solemnly swear: "I will never write your name down", and seal the deal with a drink of vintage water. Has anyone else noticed that piratical Rob's moustache and goatee look fake? As if he's glued on some off-cuts from a black rug, or a neighbour's dog?
Jenna says their mood is sombre, because Ambra may have departed. Why would the rest of them be so miserable about that prospect? Tom says something, but as they still stubbornly refuse to provide English subtitles for this series, it's hard to be sure what he said. It seemed to be an extended metaphor for how Rob was grieving, talking about how calves respond to being "weaned from dah mamma's titty". He assures us that this is a natural process and that Rob'll be right before long. Comforting advice from the goat-farmer.
Yet another swimming challenge
As the tribes gather for the next challenge, Rob's crew are cheered to see Amber still extant. Yawn, another swimming-about challenge for the Reward. The winner gets to visit a classy resort, and to take two people along for the ride. Though they're still wearing tribal colours, they compete this time as individuals. How many times are we supposed to watch this bunch plunge into the water, grab various bits of stuff, and drag it up onto the beach? And isn't it odd how often in this particular series, a group ends up stuffing themselves with food? Is this really going to be the first Survivor series in which the contestants arrive home heavier than when they left?
Rupert won, and decided to take Amber and Jenna with him. So they're off on a helicopter to the resort. Jenna starts snivelling for no apparent reason, and asks the soft question: “How come I get so emotional?” And she hasn't even reached the mini-bar yet!
Reward a mere excuse for product placement
Rupert, after a nauseating line about being in heaven with two goddesses, growls something hugely daft, like:
"My baby is gonna say that’s my daddy, he is the toughest daddy in the world." It must be the altitude. The reward is much the same as all the previous rewards, lots and lots of exclamations of "Oh my God!" (the only time we catch this bunch at prayer), and a range of munching and chewing sounds. Oh, and loads of careful Product Placement, as they orgiastically indulge in shampoo, skin creams, and assorted other toiletries, each pictures with the brand-name carefully turned towards the camera. They even scream at the deodorants. Rupert declares that he could "do" the rest of the game standing on his head. Which might be a distinct improvement.
Jenna looks odd in her choice of makeup. Amber is troubled at finding herself locked into conflicting alliances. Then yet again they all gather on the beach and have to give up their existing "buffs", and pick new ones. The producers seem desperate to market their crappy little neckerchiefs. Now it's blue, and they discover that they have finally merged into the last tribe - Chaboga Mogo, Lord help us! Sounds like the latest Starbucks coffee brew.
They all seem unduly excited to be merged, mainly because now, in SoBogusPocus the competition will be individual. They must build yet another camp, at the old Tapioca site. They receive a tarp and two slings. Fortunately, this time they don't hire Rupert as the architect, so there are no sunken features except his own.
The great betrayal
Lex, the legible man, tells us how much he enjoys "just playing the game". He reminds the Robfaddah that he saved his little princess for him, and expects the promised reward. Talking to us via the camera, Rob laughs at Lex for having been so naive as to have believed him. Later we discover that Rob has been studying former President Clinton's style, as he insists he only told Lex that he would "do all I can" to preserve him, and now finds that there is nothing he "can" do. But if, as Rob insists, all the other contestants except Kathy have already resolved to vote Lex off, Rob could have afforded to at least not vote for Lex, without affecting the result.
Rob and Amber get together to compare notes (or something) and confirm strategy. She looks rather understandably confused, saying something like: “We have so many deals going along with so many people. We have deals with Less and Catty, deals with Big Tom, deals with Rupert and Jenna. It's insane, my mind is like freaking out right now.” He warns her: "Don't go soft on me!"
From now on, the immunity challenges are individual affairs. One man and one woman are allowed to win immunity. It's a holding-your-breath-under-water contest, with two men and two women proceeding to the next stage. Kathy proves to have lungs of steel, and Amber joins her, having better lung capacity than we might expect. Shii-Ann and Jenna seem to give in awfully easily. For the men, Rob and Lex win this round. Rupert, despite his declared delight in underwater fishing, fades out rapidly here.
Lex loses out on immunity
In the next stage of this contest, they're back under water, moving along a ladder and releasing buoys. Amber starts well, but seems to forget what she's trying to do, and Kathy passes her and wins. Lex seems well ahead, but then can't manage to get his last buoy loose, and Rob passes him and wins. So Kathy and Rob have immunity.
Kathy chats with Lex, and they both feel doomed to an early departure. Lex says, to the camera, “I realise that I made a huge mistake, a potentially game-ending blunder in agreeing to keep Amber and get rid of Jerri.” Not much use being wise after the event, Lex. Make a note of that. If you can find a blank piece of skin on which to write the note. Of course that's not his only bad mistake, compared to so carefully getting rid of all the other men who would have been alternative targets and possible allies in unseating Rob. Lex's strategy has been obscure, and he has back-stabbed his friends, and made shaky alliances. Both Old Uncle Tom Colby and Ethan could have been helpful for him.
Kathy begs Rob not to vote against the ugly drip, but he's unimpressed. Considering the barely concealed glee with which Lex told other contestants that their time had come, it's not unpleasant to see him receive the same message, from Rob. Remember, Lex, "it's only business". Rob tried to be nice about it, but you could see Lex's eyes spinning as he saw all his plotting falling to bits. He doesn't accept that the argument he expected everyone else to accept when delivered by him, ought ever to apply to him. He's furious. "It's about being betrayed by my friend! It's about getting a knife in the back!” Well, Lex, that's business, isn't it? And anyhow, isn't this a knife in the front?
Lex for the chopping block
Rob, Lamber, Jenna, Alicia, Tom and Rupert decide to stay together and get rid of Lex the Lesser. Kathy gets enormously over-emotional about this. “He was proud for you, final four...and he.... its brutal .” No, it doesn't make any sense, does it? She repeats, "Brutal, brutal". It's not clear why voting Lex off is so brutal, but voting anyone else off is to be considered gentle and praise-worthy?
She whines, and weeps and begs Rob, to no avail, as he's nowhere near as stupid as she wants him to be. As she shows no sign of ending her tantrum, he excuses himself and leaves politely, probably to go somewhere quiet, and laugh. She adds, “Despite the fact that Boston Rob’s a really nice kid there’s something in him that came out in Marquesas that’s still here...and its just so sad, so sad.” The only sad bit seems to be his little bok-baardjie, which is, admittedly, rather poignant. She heads off into further storms of tears, actually so distorting her voice that subtitles are inserted. Where were they when Tom was speaking?
Kathy makes irrational promises
She's really becoming deeply irrational. She offers to give Lex her immunity necklace, and he refuses, with the clear air of a man who fully expects his refusal to be ignored. “I would like to give my immunity necklace to Lex," she says, " And if I get voted off so be it. I mean, my options are to do that or come back here cowering.” As she's already been cowering for an hour or two, that doesn't seem much of a choice. Still maudlin, she hugs Lex so tightly his print is smudging, and adds, "This isn’t worth it. I can go make a million dollars somewhere else.” Now this was about the most interesting part of all. Short of finding it in a bag at the side of the road, or embarking on a new career robbing banks, just where else would Kathy make a million dollars?
At Tribal Council, there's the usual blather. Rob tries to say he still hopes to be friends with Lex (hoping to get his Jury vote, more likely); he even says he hopes that "the sun will come out tomorrow", sounding as if he's auditioning for a role in the musical Annie. As he says this, there's a clap of thunder, and it starts pouring with rain.
The bandwagon heading towards victory
Kathy, who appears to have aged 20 years in a day and looks frankly gruesome, far from offering her Immunity to Lex, rapidly confirms to Jeff that she's keeping it. Lex's jaw drops, literally, on hearing this. She continues grumbling and moaning. Lex is despatched with a 7 to 2 vote. Even Shii-Ann votes against him, breaking her alliance with Lex and Kathy (who seem to have largely ignored her this time round). She knows which bandwagon is heading towards victory. Does she realise how vulnerable she still is, though? Curious how Lex and Kathy both vote, bitterly, for Amber. They know their votes won't evict anybody.
Kathy needs to persuade the Chewbacca Muggins than she is more valuable to them than Rob, which is surely an impossible task. His main vulnerability would be that he has made all these secret alliances with everyone else, which could shatter if they became exposed to general view.
(Professor M.A. Simpson)
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