As they cook their kebabs, they drool. I thought Ethan was supposed to be vegetarian, but he lasciviously devours his kebab, saying “I wanted to rub my face in it. I wanted to sleep with it.” That's my sort of vegetarian.
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Have you noticed how anything-but-Prim, that Continuity Announcer on the SABC, is always grinning and chuckling? She looks like she'd announce an earthquake or a massacre with a giggle, and makes you wonder what she's smoking. Anyhow.
Jerri having a moanfest
We start with images of all matter of pretty creatures, then switch to grumpy Jerri, repeatedly yawning like a hippo, and muttering grubbily. She looks like she's aiming to be the Centrefold model for the ENT Journal's special Tonsillectomy issue. She announces that her "back is killing her", when you'd have expected it to be anyone else in her tribe who'd jump to that task. Shii-Ann comments that Jerri bitches all day long "bitch, bitch, bitch". She goes on about how Jerri's all "talk, talk, talk", but seems to be imitating her, rather than commenting. We're told she's driving Colby "up the yim yams".
Kathy comes up with an obscure and laboured metaphor about annoying seeds. Actually, Kath, Jerri's like one of those strawberry seeds that get stuck between your teeth and you just can't quite get them out. But Kathy's on a roll, and "slam-dunking people" is apparently her favourite sport, and she's enjoying jeering at Jerri.
Yes, Jerri is yet again in a bad mood. She has more storms than the local weather. But she has never forgiven Colby for spurning her love way back in Australia. She starts sucking up to Lex (you'll get ink on your teeth, honey!), Jerri seems to imagine that her "strategy" is all about being Zen-like and non-threatening, but her constant kvetching could make a Zen monk turn aggressive.
Their treemail says they'll start with an immunity challenge, but actually, the challenges are combined, and they can win a full day barbecue with an open bar, and the tribe which wins can host one member of the other tribe as a guest for this treat(an interesting twist, the old Take-a-Loser trick).
Challenge – same old, same old
The challenge is more of the same, as usual, swimming about, diving to retrieve puzzle pieces, rowing a boat, and so on. Jeff gives his usual manic commentary - I think this guy really would rather be a Sports Reporter. The Muggins-Muggins are generally in the lead, but Ethan breaks a paddle, the hapless chap (quite devoid of hap, as one can see), and then he takes ages to untie some knots in the jungle, and the cheery Chaperas win as usual.
Scheppera wins, and Jerri practically orgasms at the very thought of all that food, her mouth gaping and making truly nasty noises. They select weeping Kathy as their guest. It's far from clear why, but maybe, relying on previous experience, Rob thinks he can ply her with liquor and get her to reveal some of the secrets of her tribe. But does her tribe actually have any secrets at all? Kathy slyly avoids showing any pleasure to her own team-mates, smiling only when out of their sight.
And so they sail off on a what is called a "lugzhury yott", laden with food and drink. By now, Jeff needs to be offering rewards simply for not quitting and calling for that speedboat ride home.
They eat, drink and are merry
They eat and drink, and scream with delight. Tom is incoherent again, but then he hasn't had a bump on his head lately, which usually improves transmission. He seems to be doing trailer-trash talk, and announces that the yacht is like a very big Trailer, but floating. Just the sort they need in Florida, these days. Amber for some reason explains that while others took plates, she was so hungry she just picked up bare food and started eating; while the cruel editors show her eating off a plate. Jenna seems to shove an entire burger into her mouth in one smooth and practised movement, so hopefully she may be silent for a time.
After dinner they sing and serenade Kate, who is suitably flattered, though she later muses that she mustn't let her tribal mates discover that she fitted in "like a glove". It's curious that unlike in other starvation phases of previous shows, nobody seems to get sick from all this sudden feasting.
Ethan takes the blame
At the maudlin Maudlin's, Ethan grimly claims responsibility for them having lost the challenge, the sap, even though nobody seemed to be blaming him! Or were they? Ethan keeps apologising, and seems keen to be made a scapegoat, or indeed any sort of goat.
Back on board, they stop for desserts, a waterfall idyllic swim, and a chance to hit golf-balls off the boat, just to make it a perfect day! The captain announces that these are "environmentally friendly balls", which I've never heard of, but maybe this is a convenient lie to offset the ecology bores who's complain about dunking golf-balls in a pristine lagoon.
Rob no golfing champion
Robfadda must have been bust at that Open Bar, as, after bragging that he had been a state champion high school golfer, he takes an almighty swing, and topples over falling on his rear, then manages another in which his ball stays put, but the club flies over the water to splashdown in the distance. Well, how many great Mafioso golfers do you know of?
Replete with food and drink, they try to get useful information out of Kathy, though she seems quite eager to volunteer it, and Alicia is sceptical. Then champagne is served, and Tom complains that it has "too many bubbles." Right, Tom, who would have expected bubbles in champagne? Then Big Tom, in a rare semi-lucid moment, seems to say that he really misses his goats, though we'd hate to imagine why.
Jerri vs. Colby
Back at LogoLogo, Ethan's feeling insecure and plots with Colby to vote out Jerri. Lex is trying new depths of deception, having promised to work with Colby to vote off Jerri, he now decides to vote off Colby, proving quite skilled at back-stabbing. But linking himself with the ever-unpopular and alienating Jerri won't help him in the long run. Lex explains to Jerri his reasons for ridding them of Colby, but she's not listening, having long lusted for getting revenge on the stud who spurned her. She already cost him the million dollar prize in their own series, by voting for Tina, but that's not enough vengeance for her. Shii-Ann seems hesitant about what to do, without Kathy around to tell her.
Jeff does his usual sadistic questioning bit, rubbing salt in any available wounds, like reminding Ethan about what a hash he made of the challenge. Amazingly, Jerri announces that she thinks that her value to the tribe lies in being so "uplifting", promoting a good mood, and " keeping their spirits high"! Collectively, the tribe can barely suppress their sniggers and snorts of scorn at this degree of self-delusion.
End of Colby
Lex is actually being rather rational here, deciding to manipulate the others so as to be rid of Colby who would surely be preferable to others later in the game, and before the anticipated merge, when the ensuing individual competition for immunity would make it likely that Colby would often win these and be hard to displace. In the end, Ethan and Colby both vote for Jerri, and everyone else votes to oust Colby, who leaves with calm dignity, but without even glancing at his treacherous tribal mates, and not looking back.
Oh, by the way, folks have asked me, after I revealed the atrocious books Rich had published, whether any other of the Survivorines had published books. I really can't face searching to see if there have been too many more of this ghastly genre, but I did come across one by the old guy who left early, who produced The Book of Rudy. He's described as "a beloved curmudgeon", who "speaks out" on sudden fame, social issues, sex, abortion, family life, Guns in America, the presidents, and the wars. If you like that sort of thing. What next, one wonders. Big Tom's Book of Goats? Sue's Big Book of Beauty Secrets?
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