Now, if you don't find every episode of Survivor totally riveting, at least you can be thankful that you're not watching The Block, the absurdly dreary "reality" show, which makes Big Brother seem like Shakespeare.
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Remember how they used to describe something incredibly dull by saying it was about as exciting as watching paint dry? Well, in The Block, watching paint dry is the most exciting part of the whole show.
Woman's Limp
A recurrent theme in Survivor has been Ethan's repeated attempts to be a provider, and catch fish, while other assorted males prove far more effective in this role. But why is it, I wonder, that none of these limp ladies bothers to try to go fishing or otherwise provide for their tribe? Not even Alicia the Amazon does anything other than strike picturesque poses. At one point we see the ladies stringing seashells to make crude jewellery, but that's the height of their achievements. Whatever happened to the principles of liberated womanhood?
Only the butch Sue works as a hunter, chipping snails off a rock (at least those snails who weren't just too darn fast for her). And then she shows a very curious response - she complains that at first nobody wanted to eat her snails, but seems really peeved that now the starving group has started to appreciate her snails. As if she really does not want to be appreciated.
Rob is overweeningly imperial, still airily insisting that he can engineer the departure of whomever he pleases, whenever he pleases. He says he's happy for Rupert to bring fish to feed him, and "my girls" make good rice.
At MuggerMugger, Colby tried to teach Shii-Ann how to play the game, though it wasn't clear how qualified he was to be her teacher. She more aptly summarises his message as “Blah blah blah, lecture lecture lecture” and tells us that she's sure that she's his equal, but too clever to tell him that. She's not aiming high, is she? This is where she complains about Captain America's perfect teeth, as if he'd grown them purposefully so as to annoy her.
Nursing her grievances
Across at Chappedlips, Sue is still going on about how much she hopes the other tribe had voted Richard off, because he had rubbed his loathsome nakedness against her. She announces that she'll "hug 'em all" if they've got rid of him, a prospect which might have persuaded them to keep him around. She's even more broody today, and some others are thinking she ought to be the next to go. Tom's getting sick of her moaning. She really is over-reacting hugely. So a podgy naked guy briefly bumped against her clothed self - does that strictly require than one lie on the beach for hours like a ruminating porpoise, weeping and moaning? To what porpoise?
Carefully watching the reruns of the Event, it's clear she is deliberately and artificially creating an enormous degree of outrage out of nearly nothing. They were on balance beams and small platforms. She deliberately chose to confront Richard, standing in such a position that he was forced to rub past her or fall off. Of course, being Rich, he chose to make more of it than necessary, but she had plenty of chance to move back and out of his way, had she wanted to. And though she could have cried Foul and stopped the game at the time, she almost dismissed it then. Only later, after thinking through how to take advantage of the situation, did she grow increasingly and unconvincingly upset.
Cellulite all aquiver, she sobs on the beach, "Why did he have to touch me?" Because you were there, honey, and standing in his way! She says she's worried about what her husband will think when he sees the show - probably that she's milking the situation and expecting far too much sympathy for a trivial event. And later we hear from Rupert that she had told him in glee that she planned to sue Richard (and maybe the show's producers?) for millions of dollars. She refuses to get over this much magnified and trivial event, and refuses to be comforted. Talk about nursing her grievances? She put hers into Intensive Care!
The Grim Weeper?
Above all, she is being petty, immature, and monumentally selfish, thinking solely of her own gain, though she greatly disadvantages her own tribe. I suspect that one of her other motivations is that she knows she has completely failed to form alliances or friendships and is likely to be voted off soon, and decides to jump before she is pushed, and posturing in a manner carefully contrived to provide creative opportunities for claims for damages.
Rob, himself always looking for ways to take advantage of situations, is wondering whether this might be what Sue is doing, but graciously decides to give her the benefit of the doubt. Rupert offers her the eyeballs of the cooked fish - now there's a guy who really knows the way to a woman's heart. Alicia says she doesn't understand it from Sue's point of view, and Tom says, mystically, that "I'm not that woman", which is quite a relief. Indeed, I'm rather glad that he's not any woman. Tom adds that it's time to “stick a fork in…she’s done”.
Food Porn
At MoronMoron Jerri is annoying the others as she did in Australia, by dreaming up a wish-list for food, and reciting the resultant Food Porn loudly and inconsiderately. She lusts for the three primary food groups: Chocolate, Peanut butter, and Marshmallows. It doesn't seem to bother her that she has no apparent allies, even among the other women. I feel she'll not be with us for long. Now, apart from repeating old challenges, they're even repeating old, recycled conversations. Shii-Ann, thinking about the fish Rich used to catch, is getting wistful indeed. Apparently the idea of actually getting up and catching a few fish herself, never occurs to her.
Apparently Lex has been keeping it a secret that he's actually rather a good fisherman (well, in the dry African plains he had little chance to display this talent). As in Africa, Ethan helps by sitting on a rock in a picturesque fashion, like a hairy crane. Perhaps of the genus Frasier Crane. Anyhow, Lex catches a smorgasbord of fish, impressing the tribe, and Colby mutters “This is not his first rodeo," conjuring up images of the tattooed wonder lassoing fish.
New alliances seem fragile
At the Chapperals, Rob and Amber make an alliance with Rupert and Jenna, who are strangely delighted with the deal. Rupert tells us he's confident of Jenna, and, he hopes, of RobnAmber. Hmm, like he was confident of that dreadful hut, and the sinking raft? By now, Rob apparently has formed alliances with everybody except Alicia and Sobbin' Sue.
With the next treemail, comes a bunch of no name brand coffee beans. An invitation to somebody to spill the beans?
Jerri tells Lex that he can trust her "150 thousand per cent" (well, she never was much good at maths). He gives her a hug, but then he mutters to us that "this time it's business", so he's prepared to exploit friends.
The Chopstix are wondering what the reward will be, and again lusting after food. Rob says the rice is very good, but terrible. Sulky Sue's not eating rice today. She's too busy eating her heart out, in front of the cameras.
Melodrama at the challenge
When it comes to the Challenge, however, Jeff somewhat mischievously raises the issue of Sue's continuing objections to her rumble in the jungle with Rich. Apparently imagining that she's on Jerry Springer, she melodramatically screams, "I was sexually violated!" The phrase has an odd echo of that song in the movie Chicago. Jeff pretends to be puzzled. "I'm done! ...I'm out!" she shouts. He wonders why she's not satisfied that Rique has gone, but she says she doesn't care. Jeff senselessly asks the Moggies what they think, and they murmur vaguely. Colby admits that, “You know living with a naked guy all the time sucks". Don't ask me to comment on that one!
She screams that she was "humiliated", which is odd, as she admits that nobody else saw anything particularly awful happen. Doesn't humiliation require an audience, before whom your image is degraded? Can you be secretly humiliated?
Sue's off – in more ways than one
Finding he can't milk any more sorrow, pity or suspense out of this shabby event, Jeff calls in the boat (which of course must have been waiting just out of camera-range anyhow) to take away Runaway Sue, childish, pathetic and foolish. Jeff seemed amused and relieved more than concerned. Although Sue brooded about what her husband might think on later viewing this episode, in fact I greatly doubt whether the incident would even have been included in the edited shows, had Sue not forced its inclusion by all the fuss she made. It was she, and she alone, who insisted that the world's viewers had to see it.
The suspense nowadays is guessing which contestant will walk off, rather than who will be evicted. I really can't believe that Sue suffered such irreparable psychological harm from the trivial incident. More likely, she was sick of the discomfort and hunger, realised she hadn't the remotest chance of winning and an excellent chance of getting voted off, and decided to leave voluntarily while preserving maximum opportunities for litigation.
Jeff offers the tribes the chance to hold the challenge, or to split the reward and sit down together and talk.
Jenna leaps at the chance of splitting the kebabs (preferring the certainty of a nibble to the small chance of a feast), but the others stare at her as if she's about to Sue them. So they have the challenge, catapulting food items into a basket. Jenna is especially inept (maybe still salivating at the thought of those kebabs) and fumbles, so the Mogadons win.
Rob's wondering if someone had managed to influence Sue to quit. Rupert says he talked with her for over an hour, which would be enough to send anyone screaming from the island. The remaining Chaps vow to stick together "no matter what", whatever that means.
Further treemail tells them that there's be no immunity challenge as Sue has left, and Tom is dancing with joy, as someone (was it Rob?) sings a tuneless version of "Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead". Sentimental lad that he is. They ponder over how to commemorate this joyful loss, and nobody can muster any convincing sign of regret, other than a moment of sarcastic silence.
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