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Strange how, when selecting a campsite, these guys never seem to consider where the water will flow. Rob slept happily under the tarp, with Amber to keep him warm. As the youngsters get cuddly, Tom gives a sort of randy chortle and points out that things are getting romantic. Well, a goat farmer ought to know! Rob is cementing his position as the alpha male. Big Tom seems very happy to be a voyeur, though nobody quite understands what he's mumbling and chortling.

Rob C, Robert De Zero, is as jealous as can be, and ostentatiously tells us that Rob and Amber are "gonna do It" and he wishes them luck. I don't think that luck is particularly needed at this stage. And anyhow, which one of them does he think belonged to him?

Sopping wet and moaning
The SoBaggys are SoBoggy this morning, having spent the night sitting about dripping. They've got no fire, again, no food, and the bidet is full and needs flushing. Rupert graciously admits the Great Hole of Panama was not one of his brightest ideas (one shudders to think what might have held that title!), Jerri's really not a happy camper, seeing her imagined celebrity "career" sinking into the quicksand. OK, it's more like slowsand, but you know what I mean. Jerri goes round pouting as usual. If pouting were an Olympic event, she'd be a shoe-in for a Gold.

Jenna L suddenly starts being ominously nice to Jerri, talking to her with that insulting condescending Nursery School voice people use towards the old and the infirm, making the recipients of their largesse long for a chance to trip them up with their crutches.

Jerri's really decompensating, weeping as if intent on re-filling the bedroom bidet, and even refuses Rupert's offer of something grimy and slimy to eat, and grimly announces that she doesn't give "a rat's ass". Hagrid, or Rupert as he's calling himself, is still marking time to his next appearance in Harry Potter and the Island of Bidets. He seems to dimly realize he messed up, and offers to rebuild the shelter, hunt for food, and remake the fire, all on his own. Jerri still looks so murderous you hope that those Home Dept tools got locked away safely.

Back at CuppaSoup, (or was that Mugg 'o Mugga?) Shii Ann knowingly tells us that Mother Nature is "one forceful bitch" (strange, Ma N. has only nice things to say about Shii Ann).

Richard, the pompous fisherman
Rich goes off and returns with three Moray eels for lunch. Now, did he smuggle in more than we suspected, has he found a fishmongers just round the bay, or has he learned to be a capable fisherman? And we suspect that his cloud of mystery is swelling with pride. Anyhow, he becomes overweeningly pompous, believing as long as he keeps bringing in the meat, he can loll around and do nothing else. As a persistently nude swimmer, he's just lucky that sharklet only bit him on the arm.

Lex meanwhile is dreaming of finding the Third key (gee what a fuss about a packet of rice!) and not having to rely on Rich's fishing skills. Maybe he's got toxic levels of ink in his bloodstream, but he'd rather they were in a fishless and tiny tribelet, losing all the challenges, than keep Rich around. OK, Riche brings his very own meaning to "camp"; but someone else later describes him as "like f***ing Neptune out there!"

Back to the treemail (it's rather like e-mail, but expressed in excruciatingly bad verse, for reasons nobody has ever explained.). And so to the Reward Challenge. Jeff wastes a lot more time with repetitious and boring banter. Mrs Hatcher boasts of his fish, and Sue the Shapeless grumbles that she got the bony bits, so she has a bone to pick with him.

Reward challenge not very challenging
This one's all about little suitcases with scraps of flotsam and jetsam in them, and swapping stuff, and guessing what's in the other people's suitcases. A sort of training programme for Customs Officers. But either they're all clairvoyant or cheating, but it seems pathetically easy for most of them.

Shapiro wins, but this time the prize is not just crummy old blankets, but a functional Bathroom - shower, toilet, paper, mouthwash, toothpaste, shampoo, toothbrushes, and lots of product placement for sponsors. And a sort of porta-potty, of the sort that the British troops a century ago used to call a "Thunderbox". They carry these gewgaws back to camp, with Tom bearing the loo, his head cheerfully emerging through the seat.

They also get the next clue for a rice-box key, but are mystified by it. Rob C, desperate to impress ("I've never been a hero before") decides ridiculously to dig up the whole beach for it, but Rob M actually reads the clue, heads for the jungle, and promptly finds it. Rob C seems furious about this. They find, to their joy, a flagon of whiskey, as well as rice in the box, and, as usual, Tom makes a grab for this.

On to the Immunity Challenge Now it's the Immunity Challenge, Each tribe has one sighted member to serve as a yelling guide, to help the others, blindfolded, to find pieces of a large 3D puzzle as they stumble about. Tom falls over several times, and gets clobbered by Colby. Ethan drops a piece and Colby falls over it. Much fun is had by all. Lex seems to be playing a different game, crawling about waving his arms like a crustacean, and seemingly much more disoriented than usual.

Sobuggy manages to lose, and will have to jettison one of the group. They spend their time making and breaking alliances. Boston Rob seems to be getting a tad grandiose, promising that when he decides who is going to go - they'll GO. He's speaking with a cute and curious drawl. In a chat with Rob C , he agrees to an alliance between himself and Amber and Rob C. Amber approaches Tom, who'd rather see the last of Alicia.

At Tribal Council, there's the usual inconsequential chatter. Amber brags that she's excellent at keeping the peace and talking sense into people. Amber? Jeff keeps asking Tom how he's feeling, as if waiting for him to keel over again. Then he asks about the romance between Rob M and Amber. They deny any such thing, but Tom leers that "he don't sleep on his back every night" and admits that he's really enjoying watching them. Well, after all, why should the viewers be the only voyeurs around? Alicia says they're very close and that "you just can't get between them", in a tone of voice that suggests she has really tried to do so.

Rob C stunned by being booted
Limp Rob C votes for Alicia, referring to her characteristic wagging finger. She votes for him, making the ludicrous claim that he's a really funny guy and the group needs to be more serious. Funny? Anyhow, Rob C gets booted. He seems stunned, but says he'll take it as a sign of respect. If I were you, Robby, I'd also take that with a pinch of salt. He managed to look way out of his depth even when on dry land.

We gather that next week they'll build rafts, one of which Tom describes as "the best-built thing since Alicia", at which FingerWagger actually smiles.

(Prof. Michael Simpson)
 

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