Telling children not to use drugs is rarely any help. Of all the children you might tell, a third will listen intently, a third may hear you on the right day and a third couldn’t care less.
For the majority of children you tell, all you will succeed in doing is causing them to be even more curious to experiment. In fact, awareness talks in schools do little to prevent drug use. A recovering addict looking healthy is hard to believe and non-addicts are often too clinical. However, there are ways that parents can attempt to prevent addiction in their children. Although prevention is never guaranteed, it is often the best chance you may have at keeping them safe.
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Healthy, appropriate, well balanced and self-loving people rarely become addicted. In order to continue with addiction, addicts must be filling some inner void. By teaching children to be healthy, appropriate, balanced and (most importantly) self-loving, you will give them a better chance of staying safe. You will also leave much less of a void for them to feel the need to fill if you teach them to be self-contained and fulfilled.
Addicts have very similar patterns. By trying to prevent these patterns from developing, parents do far more than any awareness programme could ever hope to.
Labels harm
Don’t label children, rather label their behaviour – tell them that what they did was wrong, not that they are wrong. Children adapt to labels given by their parents very quickly. Addicts have a common thread of severely negative opinions of themselves which are often formed by messaging from their parents or primary caregivers.
Addicts have stunted emotional maturity. Teaching children to embrace their emotions and express them appropriately, is a fantastic tool. It makes them far more self-accepting.
If there are two parents, then always present a united front. Never upstage each other in front of children. They will naturally attempt to manipulate and play parents off against each other – this is part of their natural growth process. By preventing this, you will assist them in finding more appropriate ways of having their needs met, rather than manipulation and deceit which are common characteristics of addicts.
Boundaries
Children need boundaries. They need to understand the meanings of the words ‘No’, ‘Enough’ and ‘Stop’. These are foreign concepts to addicts. Most parents will either teach this through fear and punishment, others will just let the child get away with anything out of fear or guilt.
Gentle, flexible, yet firm boundaries are far more effective than harsh rules. Even though not disciplining may seem like loving them, loving your children too much can damage them. Most addicts have a skewed idea of boundaries and struggle to know when to stop and when to persist.
Always be respectful to your children. They may be small but they are people and need to feel respected. Even when disciplining your child, speak respectfully. This teaches them to respect themselves. Addicts have a very diminished self-respect. The more children respect themselves, the less likely they are to need drugs to feel good.
If you make a mistake, apologise. Children also deserve apologies when it is appropriate. This also teaches them that it is okay to make mistakes. Addicts have a common thread of inappropriate arrogance and find it difficult to admit their wrongs.
Self-esteem
Do your utmost to instill a sense of self-esteem in your children. Encourage their unique talents and personality and teach them to remain true to themselves no matter what. This teaches them that they do not need the approval of others to fit in and helps them to say ‘No’.
Have an open and honest line of communication with your children. This teaches them to ask for help. If they feel they can talk to you, chances are greater that they will seek your guidance if they become involved in something dangerous. By being respectful of them, you stand more chance of being consulted before things get out of hand. Children who fear their parents, keep far more secrets. Secretive behaviour goes hand in hand with most addictive behaviours.
Educate yourself and your children about addiction and all other social issues (HIV, sex, abuse etc). Teach them that talking about such things is both appropriate and encouraged. These subjects are not taboo but are part of life. The more comfortable children are with talking about such topics with you, the easier they will come to you if they are in trouble.
The earlier the addictive process is arrested, the more chance the addict has of recovering. By equipping your children with these coping mechanisms, you are giving them a greater chance of standing up to the reality of addiction. You are giving them more of a chance of not starting an addictive process and, if they do, of getting help sooner. - Front Line Addiction Recovery Education (011) 728-9200; jadie@colourblind.co.za
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