It is 3am and you are tossing and turning. Work scenarios nightmarish ones are being played out in your head.
You dream of what you'd like to say, how nice it would be to resign and the things you would like to do to this bully who is making your life miserable.
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But let's be realistic for a moment: You don't want to risk losing your job in this economic climate, and you enjoy what you do - pity about the bully who spoils things for everyone.
And, being in a constant state of stress can have huge implications for your health: it can lead to heart problems, blood pressure problems, insomnia, and a host of other stress-related conditions.
So what can you do?
Accept that the bully has personality problems. Anyone who finds it necessary to wield their little bit of power in a way that humiliates those working under him/her, has problems of a deeper nature. It is their small position of power that gives them free reign to unleash their social inadequacies on those unfortunates working under them. Chances are their home life is miserable, and they have no friends to speak of and they spend their lives watching TV, because they cannot communicate with equals.
Look after yourself. When in this situation you really need to look after yourself. Don't give in to the tempation of eating heaps of junk food and slouching around the house endlessly, because you're feeling depressed. Get some exercise. This will not only be good for you, but also help you to work off some anger. Eat healthy food and don't seek your solace in alcohol. If you're really feeling stressed, and it's not going away, go for some therapy, or go and see your GP. The bully is making your working life unpleasant, but it isn't necessary to let him/her ruin your health as well.
Don't take it personally. If you get shouted at for no reason, this is not about you, it's about the bully. This person is unable to gain respect from co-workers by means of their work or the way they behave, so they resort to strong arm tactics to intimidate those under them.
Don't defend yourself. If you are accused of something ridiculous, the bully is doing this to get a reaction from you. If you won't defend yourself, the accusation will be seen as ridiculous by other co-workers. Say something non-committal like, "If that's what you want to believe, go ahead".
Ask for written instructions. In this manner, the bully has to get his/her ducks in a row before tasks are given. Follow the written instructions to the letter, then there can be no comebacks later if there are, you whip out the written instructions. A favourite tactic of bullies is to give vague and confusing instructions, so that they can come down like a ton of bricks on some unfortunate who didn't do what they thought they had in mind. Written instructions also limit how far the goal posts can be moved.
Don't let yourself be intimidated. Despite what the bully says, there is a limit to what they can do to an employee. If you are unfairly dismissed, you can easily go to the Labour Court. Bullies are like sharks they go for the ones who are bleeding. If you allow yourself to be intimidated, they will hone in on you and make your life hell simply because they can and you allow them to do it. Bullies also have an unnatural fear of authority themselves and will tend to crumble and become obsequious when faced with a higher authority than themselves.
Bullying is a two-way-street. There can be no bully if someone is not prepared to be bullied. If you remain polite and calm, but will not allow yourself to play when it's supposed to be your turn, the bully will be completely lost. If you're not playing anymore, no bullying can take place and the bully is most likely to move on to the next target.
Keep notes of the bully's behaviour. If you ever plan on taking this matter further, vague accusations will not hold water in a disciplinary hearing. If you can produce dates and times and exact descriptions of what happened as well as witnesses of these events, your story will be all the more credible.
Remain polite, but distant. Never reveal any personal details to the bully and never talk about your private life. Just don't give this person a gap at all he/she will find some way to use this against you. Don't socialise with the bully at all there is nothing worse than having a boss who is a friend one day and a fiend the next.
Learn to say no. A favourite tactic of bullies is to expect the increasingly impossible. Once they have identified a willing victim, their expectations become more and more unrealistic they want to see how far they can push before you have to say you cannot do something in the time allocated. Because you somehow feel inadequate because of not meeting an impossible deadline, the bully will turn you into your own accuser and slowly start eroding your sense of self-esteem. If something is impossible, say so don't even attempt it. The bully is enjoying watching you jumping through hoops.
Know the bully's tactics. Most bullies thrive on humiliating and intimidating others. These two behaviours are often accompanied by subtle threats often completely without any basis in truth. If push were ever to come to shove and there had to be a disciplinary hearing, the bully will come off second best if the truth is revealed.
Get allies. Talk about the bully's abusive behaviour to other co-workers. If they are also suffering, there will be a sense of solidarity among you, and together you may come up with a strategy. Bullies like to follow the divide-and-rule style of management and feel threatened by any alliances on their staff. Meet this head-on.
Find another job. If the bully is the one with the final say and there is no-one above him/her to whom you can appeal, it might be a good idea to look out for something else. If it is the bully's business, remember that a high staff turnover is very damaging to any undertaking. If you're leaving because of the boss, you won't be the first and you certainly won't be the last. Insist on an exit interview and be clear about why you left.
Don't take the bully home with you. Spending all your free time agonising about this person robs you of time and energy outside the workplace that rightfully belong to you. Don't give the bully the satisfaction of haunting your private life. This can lead to stress and depression and a host of other ills. Leave work problems at work and find a way to switch off from this person's menacing behaviour after hours.
(Susan Erasmus, Health24, updated August 2008)
Some bosses are so terrible, it' s best just to look for another job. Nothing you do is going to change them. My first boss used to rifle trough our desks. He demoted a woman who wouldn' t kiss him. And the rumours were that he also had his hands in the cash box. I just left without having another job. - Heidi
bad workers
2008/08/13 11:12:50 AM
I am a boss, and I am nice most of ther time, but some workers just don' t do their jobs. What must one do when someone is lazy and they don' t want to learn new things, or take orders? - Ricardo
Terrible
2008/08/13 11:14:42 AM
My boss screams at me every day, but i do my job. She just hates me. What now? - ANON
Realtionship stress
2008/08/13 11:16:56 AM
My husband is so tired of hearing my complaints about my crazy boss. It is really affecting ourt relationship, but i can' t seem to stop complaining. - Linda
This could' ve been written for me
2008/08/13 11:27:58 AM
This passage coudl' ve been written for me. I' ve spent 14 months taking abuse from somebody and stuck it out in the mistaken belief that I could effect change and make it work. I' m also particularly well-paid for what I do and this has also made me reluctant to leave. However I' ve reached the end of my tether and am taking another job, ironically for more money. This whole episode, while not breaking me, has had a detrimental effect on my confidence and self-esteem. - Johno
To Johno
2008/08/13 11:38:44 AM
Bullies want to break you and the first thing they do is go for youy confidence. it makes them feel better about themselves. It' s the only way they can get to feel better. Glad you' re going. - Finished
How weird is that
2008/08/13 11:42:55 AM
My boss yells at everyone at least three times a week and then on Fridyas expetcs us to go out for a drink with him after work for which he wants to pay. We don' t want beer, we want an apology. He gets upset when we don' t want to go, which we dont. it' s like hes trying to buy us off. - Jerry
Ha
2008/08/13 12:02:11 PM
I had a similar experience working in an IT company. An absolute terrible ' boss' he was, abusive, a bully, a racist and oh so loved using people. - Anon
I feel so relieved
2008/08/13 12:03:07 PM
I thought my work situation was one in a billion - the fact that there are really bosses out there that behave this way is a reality. I have recently resigned from such a job and am only just starting to pick up the pieces of my life. I endured six months of abuse and finally reached the end of my tether. I have learnt a few life lessons and have grown in character since then. Ironically I have a new job with a dream boss, less work and more pay!! The Onus is on you to make a Decision! - Joeline
Lost hope!
2008/08/13 12:03:53 PM
My boss has favourites so wheather i cry,bitch or moan who are you to do that! Besides your not on my favourites lists so I DON' T REALLY CARE! - Gugu
lazy boss
2008/08/13 12:06:39 PM
has anyone else noticed that the bosses who shout the most often can' t do the job themselves, or they are just plain lazy and trying to hide it? our boss went on leave for two weeks and no one even noticed it, becuase he ususally does nothing anyway. - Fedup
small penis syndrome sps
2008/08/13 12:11:51 PM
Sounds like my daughters insane boss. Best thing to do is make a paper trail, and all other records and then take them to the labour courts. Only then will they learn a lesson and stop their demonic behaviour. - eden
revenge
2008/08/13 12:14:18 PM
My wife' s boss turned down her application for annual leave last year, because she had challenged him on something in an open meeting. She had to spend the whole holiday at work, even though there was nothing to do over Christmas. She has now resigned. - Can you believe it?
they get away it
2008/08/13 12:20:49 PM
as with all bullies, they do it because they can. Tape them and sue them, personally. - irish eyes
1
2008/08/13 01:00:30 PM
1 - andy
AN ABUSIVE BOSS
2008/08/13 01:06:55 PM
Do not let him destroy the passion you have for your Job and/or ur self esteem. He is ur boss coz he got appointed before you and one day he' ll definitely be replaced. Stand up and defend your rights and do not allow to be bullied. Do not be afraid of any victimisation coz should he try and victimise you. There are remedies available in law. Tell yourself that you are where you are today coz you worked so hard to be there and you deserve it and that no one will take it away. - Jacqui
so afraid
2008/08/13 01:15:23 PM
It' s all very well to give all these tips, but one of my colleaugues is so afraid she literally jumps when the boss comes into the rooom. And not without reason. Work is total torture for her. She is n' t one to sdtand up for herself. - Maggie
women bosses
2008/08/13 01:20:23 PM
I have worked for both men and women, and when it comes to bullying, I am afraid in my experience the women win hands down. - Kenny S
Subordinates who are so afraid of their bosses
2008/08/13 01:33:33 PM
It is very right 4 a subordinate to respect his/her boss. However is very wrong 4 the subordinate to be very afraid of his/her boss that she stands up everytime he enters. This will lead to her not enjoying her work or even going to work at all. It is quite clear that this subordinate will not be able to approach her boss regarding any issue of concern. A boss must be somebody approachable and open to accept other peoples' opinions. Bulliness from a boss is unacceptable irrespective of gender - Jacqui
BAD behaviour!!!
2008/08/13 01:36:49 PM
A boss I had actually stormed out of a meeating, chucked the chair over and pulled away with screaching tires, just because someone didn' t agree with him. Just like naughty child. He was given a warning by the CEO for that and we all wer so happy. - Bongiwe
Swearing maniac
2008/08/13 01:40:03 PM
My last boss had to be told not to swear at the staff, so he started sending abusive e-mails. We kept them all and are now planning to take action. - Miriam
grievance
2008/08/13 02:05:26 PM
set up a grievance letter so that it is on black and white of the idiots behaviour. The more employees put grievances in towards these " managers" the more the CEO' s see where the real problem lies. Everyone have to be treated with respect. Also if you leave for another job request a exit interview and put it in black and white how this person is the reason you are leaving. Remember stress and depression physically makes you sick so dont let these a$$holes mess with your health. - I
Subtle bully
2008/08/13 03:17:48 PM
My boss is a very subtle bully - not like the one you refer to in you article. She does my work when I don' t get around to it quickly enough to her liking, making me feel very inadequate. She' s always right, never open to discussion and any new ideas and very unliked by most people in my company - yet, I' ll never leave, I have a fantastic job at a great salary and enjoy working with my colleagues. The sad part is she' ll never change - she believes she' s superior to all mere mortals!! - Going crazy!
@ Ricardo
2008/08/13 03:43:57 PM
Hi Ricardo
Bullies are not actually concerned with getting the job done. It is all about them " proving" to themselves that they have power over others. There is a difference between a boss who is tough but fair and one who is simply a bully. You can be tough on your people without resorting to abuse and bullying. - Odette
@ Kenny
2008/08/13 03:46:19 PM
It is unfortunate that you choose to make this into a sexist issue. As you said..." in your experience" ...it' s entirely subjective. All the bullying bosses I' ve known were all men. That doesn' t mean it' s a male problem. Bullying transcends gender. It' s about a perception of power and who has it. - Odette
Incompetent Boss
2008/08/13 03:56:15 PM
I have to report to a guy whom is less qualified that me in the field. Ive graduated my masters degree in physics cum laude and he has some diploma from a technicon with absolute no mangament experience. Yeah, so this guy has been working for the firm for almost 30 years, but he is just so incompetent. One day he would give me hell for no reason and the next day he would seek my help.I had crisis meetings with our group manager on the matter, because he himself is arogant, he ignores me, Im done - Riqqi
Leader vs Bully
2008/08/13 04:27:19 PM
In most cases, bullies are egotistical individuals and their reputation normally precedes them. They love to bad mouth other people, even their peers, in front of their subordinates. They are definitely not leaders and in many cases have been placed in senior positions based purely on achieving results by deploying fear tactics. Good leaders are firm but fair and know how to get the best out of their teams. Their strategy is to pool the talents of the team to achieve results. - G
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