If your husband, wife or another family member has recently died, you may be viewing the festive season with some trepidation.

“These occasions and family events are difficult to deal with," says Hilary Dodds, social worker and Head of Bereavement Care at St Luke’s Hospice in Kenilworth, Cape Town.

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“Often the anticipation of the day is worse than the day itself,” she says. “Our society is mostly rather devoid of meaningful ritual surrounding issues like the death of a loved one. Muslims have a ceremony 40 days and 100 days after someone has died, which is a healthy thing to do. In the Jewish religion a headstone is raised for the deceased a year after they died, which also turns the anniversary into a commemorating event.

She gives the following advice on how to make these anniversaries and special days easier:

• Talk about your feelings to friends and family. Some of them might be experiencing similar feelings
• Have your Christmas family meal or visit a place that was important to the deceased. Or have some ceremony that you find meaningful. Don’t pretend to ignore their absence.
• Talk about the deceased. Get out family photograph albums and reminisce. Talk about good times you all had together.

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