Most women have a tendency to read too much into what a man says. He says, ”I like your couch” and she hears “When can I move in?” Or he says, “I don’t feel like going out tonight” and she hears “I want to end this relationship”. With some exceptions, men mean what they say. They might sometimes be mean in what they say, but they tend to be quite honest and straightforward. When they say they like the couch, most of the time that is what they mean. They like the couch. That’s it.
We women are more complex creatures when it comes to communicating. Not only are we scared to offend most of the time, but we weigh up the consequences of what we say to such an extent, that by the time we get to saying it, it has been diluted. Or it is so tentative that the message we want to get across gets lost completely in the padding. Afterwards, we have a tendency to hold the other person responsible for not responding to our needs.
| What women say
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What women really mean
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How about a movie tonight?
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If I spend one more night between these four walls, I will start frothing at the mouth
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Whose turn is it to change the baby’s nappy? |
It’s been my turn for the last 6 weeks |
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Phone your mother |
If you don’t then I have to speak to her |
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Nancy’s husband fixed their electronic garage door |
When are you going to fix the washer on the tap and change the lightbulb in the bathroom? |
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Working late again tonight? |
Who is she? |
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Of course I won’t leave you |
The mere fact that you ask means you think I have enough reason to |
| No, I don’t think Bob is more attractive than you are |
I met the two of you together and he wouldn’t have me |
| Not more than a few pounds |
There are 25 pounds of you to which I am not legally married |
| I really wouldn’t have noticed if you didn’t tell me |
I wanted to give you a hair transplant for your birthday |
| Don’t you think it would be a good idea… |
I think it would be a good idea |
| I know that you have made an effort |
It is just not enough |
| Do I look fat in this dress? |
Do you still love me? |
| If you had to choose for a second time, would you marry me again? |
Hesitate one second and you are dead |
| Where did you advertise for your new secretary? The notice board at the modelling school? |
Can she type or is that not what she was hired for? |
| Of course your mom can spend December with us |
My mom is coming for 6 months – would now be a good time to tell you? |
| A surprise - that's what is for supper |
I haven't got the faintest idea - checked the freezer
lately? |
| Would you mind looking after the kids for two hours on Tuesday night? |
Actually it will be four hours and I have already made the booking
|
| I really love you |
I bumped your car this morning |
| Did I tell you I invited Sandra and Jakes for supper? |
I know I didn’t tell you, but because you never listen, I thought I might slip it past you |
| Who has been in the bathroom? |
I know it was you – your underpants are lying in a crumpled heap on the bathroom floor. What were you doing? Auditioning for Moby Dick? |
| Thank you so much for sorting out my tax return |
I love you |
| I am so glad I married you |
Look at what Linda ended up with |
| Not this week - I am really busy |
Beat it, creep |
| Don't worry, everyone was a bit out of control |
Can you even remember downing the umpteenth beer with
underpants on your head? |
| Do you like my new dress? |
Why haven't you noticed it already? |
| A quickie, now? |
You have the timing of a rhinoceros in mating season - your
parents should already have been here. |
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