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Updated 26 July 2012

Feast on the hors d'oeuvre tonight

Blokes do tend to rush through foreplay, like a hungry diner wolfing down his starter. But what if there’s no main course?

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Blokes do tend to rush through foreplay, like a hungry diner wolfing down his starter. But what if there’s no main course?

Biology dictates that there will be times when penetrative sex is a no-no. If you don’t understand why, ask your dad or get a book from the library. Or perhaps you’re just concerned that your lovemaking has become a bit routine. Happily, snogging in the full knowledge that copulation is off the menu can be loads of fun – and it can earn you points.

That’s because you’ll be seen as the caring man who actually fancies his partner for all of her, not just her crotch and nipples. A novel concept, but hang on it.

There are also some therapists – not sadists – that recommend abstaining from full-blown intercourse for some time if sex in your relationship has grown a little stale or predictable. This might seem like trying to cure starvation by fasting, but they recommend it. In this piece we’d like to suggest a platter of hors d’oeuvres instead.

Obviously the mood needs to be set. If you’ve just been working on restoring your classic MG, get busy with the hand cleaner and nailbrush before even shaking hands with your partner. The usual precautions apply: if you owe her or members of her family large amounts of money, if you have halitosis or she’s discovered her sister’s underwear in the back of your car, don’t expect her to melt at your touch.

Let’s assume you’re free of any of these pitfalls and move on swiftly:

  • Never underestimate the power of taste and smell. Feeding each other strawberries and chocolate sauce sounds clichéd, but it’s also an emphatically sexy way of getting up close and personal.
  • Aromatherapy burners with essential oils work well. Go for subtle scents like sandalwood and pine.
  • Try one of The Body Shop’s sensual massage oils. Their Body Butter will make things slippery and tactile – is this a problem?
  • A while back, we wrote on the oft-overlooked pleasure of kissing (Rediscover the lost art of kissing ) Brush up on that advice and then supplement it with this stuff. Briefly, the mouth is an amazing device that combines friction with lubrication, heat with coolness (Blowing on wet skin can make gooseflesh appear in all the right places), and the rough with the smooth.
  • Using this handy little device around your partner’s ears, neck and throat might elicit squeaks and sighs. Monitor her reactions and don’t tickle her too much. This is supposed to be making out, not primary school.
  • Don’t move on from the ears just yet. The lobes warrant some gentle rubbing and the edges are very sensitive.
  • Kiss the small of her back, her buttocks or behind her knees. Or give them a rub with some massage oil.
  • Pay attention to her neck and throat, and to the skin just above the collarbones (or clavicles if she’s a medical student). Instead of diving for the breasts, brush the backs of your fingers across her nipples, but kiss the skin all around the breasts, especially just underneath them.
  • Touching her hips and the skin just inside the hipbones will get a response and anywhere downward towards her vagina is teeming with nerve endings.

At this point you might both be debating whether to have the main course after all. That’s up to you two. Oral sex or mutual masturbation can be loads of fun, as you may already know. Bringing each other to climax with your hands while staring deep into each other’s eyes might turn out to be the most erotic event you’ve shared in some time. - (William Smook, Health24)

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