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Survival kit for leaving home

You’ve been at home for eighteen years. And now the world is beckoning and you’re ready for it. Freedom, at last.

Whether you are about to go into res, or move into a place of your own, there are things you should remember when you leave home.

Living companions. These can make your live heaven or hell. Choose the right flat- or housemates, who are considerate, who share your ideas about household cleanliness, home accounts, people staying over, and quiet times for sleeping or studying. It is always easier to sort these things out right at the beginning rather than when things are going wrong. Hell is a flatmate who smokes everywhere, never washes up, parties all night every night, brings home an endless stream of people to sleep over and who bickers about paying the household accounts or the rent. Don’t do this to yourself.

Accounts have to be paid. Your parents are no longer around to carry this burden. If you shop on your account, or if you run up a high electricity bill, these must be paid by you. Try to work on a cash basis initially – it’s difficult if you start off life with debt. Be prepared for a drop in your standard of living when you’re out there for the first time. You have to be realistic – your parents worked for many years to get what they have – you are not going to achieve it in a month.

Beware HP and credit cards. Buying something on HP costs you a lot of money. If you go and work out what you pay for that fridge over 24 months of instalments, it could be close to double. Also watch out for credit cards – they always make you feel as if you have money, even when you don’t. And boy, do those interest charges run up. A good rule is to keep credit cards for emergencies (you need a plane ticket to Cape Town for a job interview, or you have an abscess in your tooth) and to pay cash for things such as groceries and clothes. And no, needing a night out on the town is not an emergency.

Money matters. You have now left home, and unless you are a student (and sometimes even if you are a student) you can no longer ask your parents for money. Getting a job is not always easy, but keep trying and remember that no legitimate job is beneath you. There are lots of ways of making money, from manual labour, to waiting tables, to looking after kids, to cleaning pools, to manning a stall – if it pays the rent, it will do. And remember that all jobs are worth doing well, as they could lead to other opportunities. If you make a mess of the babysitting job, the kids’ mother won’t ask you to apply for the receptionist’s post available in her company.

Taking care of yourself. You need to make sure you are eating properly and getting enough vitamins, minerals, proteins and carbohydrates. You cannot live off beer and pies – not for more than a day or two, anyway. Eat properly, take a multivitamin and get enough sleep (most nights anyway). This will go a long way towards keeping you healthy. Do go to the doctor when you are ill – don’t wait till you’re at death’s door. And yes, remember to take a jersey with you when you are cold. Your mother is no longer there to remind you of this.

Be drug-free. The temptations are so much higher now you’re away from your parents and you have your own money. Especially if friends are doing drugs. Just remember that everyone thinks they can control it when they start. It’s better just to stay away entirely. And it will save you a whack of money. The same goes for smoking cigarettes. It’s just so much easier never to start.

Relationship blues. At this age relationships can get quite intense. But, there will be others further down the line if this one bombs out. It’s not this or nothing. And if someone is emotionally or physically abusive or manipulative, or is unfaithful to you, or lies to you, just get out. You don’t deserve being treated badly or being unhappy. And if someone makes you believe that no one else will want you, it’s time to hit the road. A relationship is only fun and healthy if you’re happier in it than you would be on your own. And being on your own could be a lot of fun.

Take care of friends.
Friends need attention too. Especially if you’ve recently started a new relationship, it is not a good idea to neglect them. Whose shoulder are you going to cry on when your love interest bombs out? But that’s not the only reason. Friends give us support, they’re mostly fun to be with, they go places with us and provide companionship when we need it most. They need to be phoned and visited, otherwise they’re going to cross you off their Christmas list.

Drinking too much. The odd drink here and there is often part and parcel of growing up. But if you’re regularly getting plastered and can’t remember how you got home the last four times you went out partying, alarm bells should be ringing. A serious drinking problem often starts when people leave home and mommy’s watchful eye. And whatever you do, don’t drive home when you’ve had enough to knock out a platoon. Not only are cars expensive to fix, but you could kill people. And even if it doesn’t get to that, a night in the nearest police station’s cells could be a memorable experience, for all the wrong reasons.

Condoms. No sex without condoms. Ever. Even if it’s Mike’s cousin, or a colleague, or the cutie who works at the movies. You just don’t know where they’ve been and with whom. And an unwanted pregnancy is no longer the worst thing that can happen to you.

Cutting work or class. The temptation is big, as it feels as if no one is watching. Everyone misses the odd class here and there (odd being the operative word), but missing work falls in a different category altogether. You could lose your job, and with it, your means of staying alive. And even if you find a new job, one call to your previous employer could scuttle your chances of getting that new position. Who wants to employ someone who is often not at work, sometimes on very flimsy grounds?

(Susan Erasmus, Health24, updated December 2009)

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