Publications
Partners
It’s time we had some new clichés to do with foreplay. How about this one: You can spoil the main course by rushing through the starter.
The nice thing about foreplay is that it involves a lot more latitude for variety than sex itself. You can risk exposure to awkward questions by your local chiropractor by trying every position in the Kama Sutra. But when you come down to it (heh-heh), sex involves fitting one body part into another and wiggling about.
Foreplay on the other hand offers almost infinite variety, but you need to set the mood as well. Here are some suggestions for creating the right environment, plus ideas on adding zip, vim, vigour and good ol’ fireworks to foreplay.
Set the mood:
- Be open to spontaneity. Sex really shouldn’t be something you have to mark out on a calendar for weeks in advance and consult your spiritual advisor and in-house spin-doctor about first. One of the many nice things about it is that you can do it anywhere – even places that don’t have cellphone network coverage. Some couples fondly recall their hottest couplings as taking place in a bathroom at a friends’ dinner party, or in some secluded copse during a forest stroll.
- Lay the groundwork.If the previous point sounds like we’ve slipped into a discussion on quickies – which be definition exclude foreplay – it’s because quickies generally work best when couples feel close. Some couples can get it on even when they have fears about the house’s leaking roof, the kids’ dyslexia, a looming retrenchment or the possibility of the Duran Duran reunion becoming permanent. For others, the stress is just a passion killer. One of the things that helps is knowing you’re both concerned about the same stuff and united as a couple.
- Cut out interference. Phones off the hook, please. Switch off the doorbell. If the neighbours are playing Britney Spears, tune your own radio between stations. The white noise will help mute outside interference. An electric fan can accomplish the same thing.
- Sight, smells, tastes and sounds. If whale noises remind you of your first date, get a CD of crooning humpbacks and put it on. Try burning a little jasmine or sandalwood incense. Candlelight’s a cliché, but it certainly sets a mood. A little Frangelico liqueur never hurt anyone, but if senor and senorita would prefer a little role-playing, sombreros and tequila might do the trick. Feeding each other exotic fruit seems overdone, but feeding each other strawberries dipped in chocolate might be worth revisiting.
- The power of touch. A full-on body-rub might seem like foreplay’s first prize, but don’t discount some of the other moves available. Has your partner ever had a face massage, Indian head massage, or even hand and foot massage? The first two require gentle but firm touching and can result in a state of relaxation that seems almost chemically induced. Chocolate body paint might seem so over-the-top that it draws a belly-laugh and some instant artistic aspirations.
- Save the genitals till last. Your tongue has a rough and a smooth side. Your hands have fingernails and soft fingertips. Your eyelashes can tickle and stroke. Your breath can heat and cool. All these things produce unexpected sensations that can lead your partner to think, “Hey, we should do this more often,” which is never a bad thing to think.
(William Smook)
