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Do you have to say goodbye to a loved one who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness? Grief and trauma counsellor Jani Kruger offers advice.
Coping with the death of a loved is never easy. We naturally experience different stages of grief, which generally include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, eventually, acceptance of the loss. Although this process can be incredibly painful, it’s completely normal.
However, when we’re confronted with a long terminal illness such as cancer, the process of grieving may be extended and more traumatic for the people and family involved. The fact is that the process of mourning may start months before the person actually passes on.
“Mourning starts with the diagnosis, followed by a period of treatment, adjustment and acceptance,” notes grief and trauma counsellor Jani Kruger.
Caring for, comforting and supporting a terminally ill loved one also often entails an extended and emotionally exhausting period for the direct family.
This process differs from the sudden loss of a family member, for example when someone dies in a car accident. Here a rapid process of organising the funeral and tying up of matters follows. Loved ones are left to continue with their daily lives and to grieve in their own individual way.
“With a long-term illness, the entire family – including the terminally ill person – is involved. This usually leads to families having to spend months confronted with their own and each other’s emotions, as well as the fact that they eventually are going to lose their loved one,” says Kruger.
If someone close to you is diagnosed with a terminal illness, several unique challenges lie ahead. Kruger gives advice:
Pre-bereavement conversations
While the news of the diagnosis may be traumatic, it’s crucial to immediately address important matters and to seek professional advice.
“This process includes collectively (that is, the patient and the family) discussing the will, funeral arrangements and the road ahead. Pre-bereavement counselling will also assist the terminally ill patient and their family to cope with their feelings,” Kruger says.
Face your fears
At the time of diagnosis, as well as during the process leading up to death, family and friends may experience a range of emotions – from anxiety and guilt to anger and resentment. This is normal, says Kruger, but it’s important to realistically work through these emotions.
“Talking about and sharing your feelings form a paramount part of the pre- and post-grieving process. Allow yourself to feel and become aware of the emotions you’re experiencing. Process, identify and acknowledge these feelings, and accept that they’re normal.”
Kruger also recommends consulting a medical practitioner if these emotions continue for an extended period.
Support systems
Saying the final goodbye is taxing – emotionally, physically, spiritually and psychologically. “Ensure that you have a strong support network in place, as it’s vital for effectively coping with this demanding experience,” Kruger recommends.
This process goes beyond just the counselling process. Unite with your family and friends, speak to a spiritual leader or psychologist for guidance, and make sure you eat properly and get enough exercise. Embrace life!
Coping with the death of a loved is never easy. We naturally experience different stages of grief, which generally include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, eventually, acceptance of the loss. Although this process can be incredibly painful, it’s completely normal.
However, when we’re confronted with a long terminal illness such as cancer, the process of grieving may be extended and more traumatic for the people and family involved. The fact is that the process of mourning may start months before the person actually passes on.
“Mourning starts with the diagnosis, followed by a period of treatment, adjustment and acceptance,” notes grief and trauma counsellor Jani Kruger.
Caring for, comforting and supporting a terminally ill loved one also often entails an extended and emotionally exhausting period for the direct family.
This process differs from the sudden loss of a family member, for example when someone dies in a car accident. Here a rapid process of organising the funeral and tying up of matters follows. Loved ones are left to continue with their daily lives and to grieve in their own individual way.
“With a long-term illness, the entire family – including the terminally ill person – is involved. This usually leads to families having to spend months confronted with their own and each other’s emotions, as well as the fact that they eventually are going to lose their loved one,” says Kruger.
If someone close to you is diagnosed with a terminal illness, several unique challenges lie ahead. Kruger gives advice:
Pre-bereavement conversations
While the news of the diagnosis may be traumatic, it’s crucial to immediately address important matters and to seek professional advice.
“This process includes collectively (that is, the patient and the family) discussing the will, funeral arrangements and the road ahead. Pre-bereavement counselling will also assist the terminally ill patient and their family to cope with their feelings,” Kruger says.
Face your fears
At the time of diagnosis, as well as during the process leading up to death, family and friends may experience a range of emotions – from anxiety and guilt to anger and resentment. This is normal, says Kruger, but it’s important to realistically work through these emotions.
“Talking about and sharing your feelings form a paramount part of the pre- and post-grieving process. Allow yourself to feel and become aware of the emotions you’re experiencing. Process, identify and acknowledge these feelings, and accept that they’re normal.”
Kruger also recommends consulting a medical practitioner if these emotions continue for an extended period.
Support systems
Saying the final goodbye is taxing – emotionally, physically, spiritually and psychologically. “Ensure that you have a strong support network in place, as it’s vital for effectively coping with this demanding experience,” Kruger recommends.
This process goes beyond just the counselling process. Unite with your family and friends, speak to a spiritual leader or psychologist for guidance, and make sure you eat properly and get enough exercise. Embrace life!
