Have fun with toys

When you’re young, toys are such fun. They’re part of your life. As you get older, there’s no reason you can’t still play.

Believe it or not, sex toys and aids have been around for thousands of years. Of various shapes and sizes, toys and sexual aids such as gels and lubricants have brought spice and excitement to countless men and women. But often in secret and with a sense of shame. 

Why? Because sex and sexual aids have been considered naughty, dirty, sinful, shameful and everything in between.

Today things are different. Sex toys and other aids have become much more acceptable and mainstream. In fact, some of the most ordinary people around have the most extraordinary toys in their bedside drawers. 

And that’s the key word: toy. Toys are about fun, play and games. These are all linked to pleasure. So sex toys are about having more fun, playing more games and getting more pleasure from the sex you’re having. It makes sense, particularly when you consider one of the biggest sexual problems in long-term relationships is boredom.

Introducing sex aids into your sex play can definitely bring new excitement. It’s about the interest, the communication, the discussion, the looking and exploring, the shopping, the laughing… before you’ve even begun to play. This tells your lover you’re really interested, your pleasure matters and the relationship is important – all of which contribute more passion and excitement to the sexual experience you share.

For too long sex toys and aids were sold on the wrong side of town from dingy shops frequented by dodgy men in raincoats. So the experience of buying them soured the pleasure of using them.

Times have changed. No longer do you have to sneak into a shop with blacked-out windows and scurry out with a brown paper bag. As many aspects of sexuality have emerged into the light, so have sex toys and aids. It’s become okay to be a sexual being. And it’s okay to buy things that increase your pleasure and excitement.

This means there’s no need to be shy or embarrassed. Now you can buy your toys at the local pharmacy, a classy boutique or your health and beauty store. It’s never been easier to find fun products and people who can give honest, open advice.

Where to start? And how to introduce toys and other aids if they’ve never been part of your sex life?

The first is easy: buy your partner a gift. But take time thinking about it. Remember what it’s for and who it’s for. Give it to him or her as something special, beautifully presented. It’s an intimate moment. You could also go shopping together, which is a lot of fun. But before you do this, you have to talk – communication is key.

It’s important to understand sex toys don’t mean there’s something lacking in you or your partner. (If you have problems in your relationship or with sexuality, seek the appropriate counselling and help.) The toys are there to increase your shared pleasure and not to point out any inadequacy.

Remember, toys have a place and a time. And that doesn’t mean every place and every time. It is possible to get hooked on the sensations some toys provide. The result is toy-free sex may no longer be enough. So keep your sexual play balanced and use toys for enhancement, not replacement.

As society has become more sexually open, many sex toy outlets have kept pace with this and have finally begun to stock products to assist in greater sexual enjoyment.

But even in your local health and beauty shop you’ll find a great range of mainstream sex aids. The packaging is discreet, the instructions are clear and they’re out there for all of us.

Let’s start with condoms. You may have heard many jokes about ribbed condoms but do they really work?

Some women claim they don’t really feel a difference even when using condoms with raised dots, others swear by them.

If the texture of a condom is too rough, it could damage the inside of the vagina so use it with ample lubrication. Thinner condoms can increase sensitivity and pleasure for a man but the risk of breaking is greater so keep an eye on the action if you pick feathery light protection.

Flavoured condoms can be a fun way to start foreplay but test the merchandise before you get going because some flavours taste very artificial and could make you feel nauseous.

If your man prefers not to wear a condom, the female condom can be used as an alternative contraceptive. It’s a bit of a mission to insert correctly but getting it into position can be quite arousing if your partner has a gentle touch.

As far as lubricants and massage gels are concerned, the plainer the better. Genital tissue is sensitive and you have no idea how your body will react to certain products.

Having said that, there are flavoured lubricants, water-based lubricants and massage gels and mousses that do some interesting things. 

There’s a time and place for all toys.  

Start slowly, especially when buying toys for the first time. Too much or too many at once and you’ll feel overwhelmed or won’t use them all. You’ll like some toys more than others – and some might be for special occasions only.

When all is said and done, nothing takes the place of intimacy. But using sex toys will definitely add some drama to your love-life.