When it comes to sex everyone has their own preferences, but when does a fantasy turn into a fetish? Our Sexologist answers three reader questions.
Q: My husband has a panty fetish, how do I deal with this?
I have been trying to understand some men’s problems, and the posts here have given me the courage to ask. I came home the other day to find my husband standing in front of the mirror in a pair of my see through g string panties; he had an erection, and was clearly enjoying himself. Lately I have been aware that someone has been in my panty drawer, now to find it’s my husband wearing my panties has destroyed my opinion of him, he apologised profusely, and said he wouldn’t do it again, but admitted to having been doing this for some time now. Do I deal with it, and accept this fetish, and role play with him, or do I lay down the law, risking him doing this behind my back, or do I threaten divorce, when I really love him, and would like to make this marriage work, but don’t know if I can handle this.
It must have been quite a shock to discover your husband behaving in this way. You have said that you love him dearly and that he is a wonderful husband and father. It may help to try and understand this behaviour. Each of us has a unique erotic map. What this means is that there are some things that will be arousing to some people ('turns them on'), which are formed during and through our early years of sexual development. It seems from what you describe that dressing in women's panties is a source of arousal for your husband, part of his unique erotic map. This behaviour does not seem to be about his sexual orientation (in other words whether he is gay or straight). It may be interesting to know that in most studies done, the largest percentage of men who experience erotic arousal from wearing women's underwear are heterosexual ('straight') not gay men. I hope that this information helps you to understand this behaviour a little better.
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Q: My hubby seems to have developed a taste for semen, is this normal?
My hubby seems to have developed a taste for semen, I don’t mind this new fetish of his too much, he assures me it’s nothing like that, just some spice in our marriage. Should I put a stop to it, is it dangerous could it lead to something more bizarre?
No it’s not bizarre - we just don't often talk about the range of things that can turn some people on...this range is huge and some things may be problematic, but others not. The current activity is not in itself dangerous, so there is no need to put a stop to them if you are comfortable with them. If he continues to explore what excites him and this does progress to things that you do not like then it's important that you tell him and stop it if necessary.
Q: Vampirism fetish
If someone has a red wing or a vampirism fetish and enjoys sex during my period, can my blood do anything to him if he takes it orally?
As long as you are not suffering from an STI or are HIV+, and any other disease that is carried / spread by blood, there should be nothing to worry. However your case does pose a few problems in preventing HIV AND STI's. In order to reduce the risk of infection, both of you should get tested for STI's / HIV and remained committed to a monogamous relationship.
(Health24, August 2012)
Ask the Sexologist