Home > Sex > Sex tips Updated 11 March 2014 Ooh baby spank me Even though most people won't admit it, S&M has a dark appeal, especially since the runaway bestseller Fifty Shades Of Grey. 0 Shutterstock Check Are you a sex addict? » Ask Sexologist » Join Health24 on Facebook » Quiz Are you ready for sex? » SEE: What happens to your body during sex? How porn addiction can affect your sex life Is the missionary position as boring as religious fieldwork in South Sudan, and is the bump and grind of the doggy-style too much for your forehead? Then perhaps it’s time to indulge your sexual fantasies with a little whips and chains.S&M (sadomasochism) is a sexual fetish that’s always received, for lack of a better term, quite a whipping from puritans. That is until the erotic international bestselling novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, rattled people’s chains, and sexual fantasies.According to erotic novelist Ruth Ramsden, who has spent years on the fetish scene, “The first and most important aspect of any form of bondage, domination, sadism, masochism or otherwise, is communication with your partner.”Here’s our guide to help you get started:Plan it – decide who the dominant partner is and who’s the submissive one, or take turns.Visit a sex shop – ask to see what fetish items they have in stock (padded handcuffs, whips, ticklers).Set the scene – light candles, play mood music and light some incense.Dress the part – introduce leather or latex underwear, or wear garters and heels.Create safe words – use a traffic light system: green for OK, amber for wait, red for stop, NOW!Start slow – use the feathered tickler to get started and then introduce the cuffs.Use a blindfold – this will heighten your sense of touch.Surrender control – give him permission to use your sex toy on you while you’re cuffed and blind. Take a bite – a soft nipple nibble, gentle hair pulling and a well-timed spank is hot.Talk dirty – the dominant partner should use words to tease and titillate.Timing is everything – try to come at the same time. This will seal your experience and enjoyment.REMEMBER: Trust is the ability to give up control to someone else and know that they have your best interest at heart. S&M is a great way to test the trust that most partners already have in each other, while catapulting your sexual fantasies to the next level. (Picture: woman wearing mask from Shutterstock) Hayden Horner More in Sex SEE: What happens to your body during sex? More: SexSex tips advertisement Read Health24’s Comments Policy Comment on this story 0 comments Comments have been closed for this article. Logout Comment 0 characters remaining Share on Facebook Loading comments... From our sponsors Keep an eye on your vision Which skin products are better, ‘medical grade’ or ‘over-the-counter’? Win 1 of 6 R5000 cash prizes Win Skin Renewal voucher Live healthier Exercise benefits for seniors » Working out in the concrete jungle Even a little exercise may help prevent dementia Here’s an unexpected way to boost your memory: running Seniors who exercise recover more quickly from injury or illness When sedentary older adults got into an exercise routine, it curbed their risk of suffering a disabling injury or illness and helped them recover if anything did happen to them. No relief for MS » Drug shows promise against MS in mouse study Vitamin D may slow multiple sclerosis Obesity in girls tied to higher MS risk Exercise may not lower women's risk of MS A Harvard study showed no evidence to support the idea that exercise lowers the risk of multiple sclerosis.