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Updated 15 April 2014

Users talk about their cheating spouses

Attracted to a married man, ex-mistress befriends wife and husband cheats in a foreign country. Our users have their say.

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According to statistics there’s a whole lot of cheating going on. A recent Women’s Health/Men’s Health Sex Survey found 54.2% of men have cheated on a partner and 37.3% of women have cheated on a partner.

Our forum users weigh in on cheating and give advice to other users.

Q: What would you do?

If you the husband: you are happily married 20 years, 3 children late teens. You travel on business a lot to (neighbouring African countries. Your wife trusts you 100%. After a hard day at work sitting in the bar a very young woman starts conversation, you buy her a drink, chat, another drink.

You say you going for dinner, she invites herself along. When she gets in your car, she strokes your dashboard, says what a nice car and tells you how nice you smell. The night ends as you can imagine the next night and two weeks later also. No condoms are used.

A: Forum user answer

I think that the man should take responsibility for his actions; he messed up and got caught. All he can do is beg for forgiveness and of course tell the young lady to get lost. If I were the wife I would kick him out and get a divorce. I think that the guy is stupid.

If he want to get some on the side then he should do it responsibly yes, I know it sounds funny but it’s true. He should have worn protection; he shouldn’t have given the girl his contact details etc. The thing is, it’s not about getting away with it, and it is about doing it in such a way that it doesn’t put her life at risk. At least that way the impact is minimised.

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Q: Is it wise for me to speak to my husband’s ex mistress?

 A year ago my husband cheated, they broke up. We are happy. I had a lot of anger towards my husband, the other woman, my pastor and my friend who i was leaning on for support and she decided she didn’t want to be part of my marriage mess, so she ended the friendship.

I have this urge to speak to the mistress. After the affair ended we became close. She pretended to be someone else and befriended me on a social network; I knew it was her even from the start.

A: Forum user answer

I must say, it is rather weird that she would befriend you falsely, and weirder still that the mistress and the wife become friends. Does mistress not maybe have ulterior motives to get closer to hubby again? If it was genuine, she would have come right out and said sorry, I did it, I regret it never again.

This makes me extremely suspicious, and I don’t trust it one little bit. I don’t know if it is a good idea to speak to her.

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Q: I am attracted to a married man, I’m so confused.

I’m married for 2 years now and I love my husband. He’s great and I’ve got no problems with him. Lately I’ve been feeling this strong attraction to a colleague and I find myself wanting to be around him .I just feel this strong attraction, he gives me this crazy feeling in my stomach and I really don’t know what to do. I just really want to kiss him, but I know this will make me feel guilty and if my husband finds out, this will kill our relationship. I’m so confused.

A: Forum user answer

You’re in lust. It happens. You don’t have to act on those feelings though. Make an extra effort to work on your relationship with your husband. Show him how much you love and appreciate him. Plan a surprise. Get your focus on the right man. This might sound like a simplistic suggestion, but maybe it will help.

Take a copy of your favourite picture of yourself and hubby to work. On the back, write down why you love him so much, how you see your future with him, and how much you don’t want to hurt him. When you have the urge to initiate any interaction with your colleague that isn’t strictly necessary for work, look at your picture and read your notes.

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Image: Boyfriend caught out from Shutterstock

Read more:

Tell-tale signs of cheating

Can trust be rebuilt after an affair?

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