18 October 2004

21 ways to lose your lover

There was a spark between you from the moment you met. But say any of the following and you'll be out on your ear.

There was a spark between you from the moment you met. You had a feeling things could end up between the sheets, or at least you hoped so.

And then you had a drink too many, she needed someone to walk her home, you offered and the next thing that was on the agenda was a lot more exciting than coffee.

Yes, yes, you've heard it all a million times – don't use people for sex; never have sex without a condom; find out if someone is really single; does this person have long-term expectations and so forth.

By all means, be careful, but say any of the following and you'll be minus your possible sex partner faster than you can blink:

  • You know I am only interested in friendship.
  • I take it you took care of the contraception.
  • Let me take that cellphone call – it may be something important.
  • You won't believe how disinterested my wife was in sex.
  • I was hoping the evening would end this way.
  • Wait until my friends hear about this.
  • You want me to do WHAT?
  • I hope my mother doesn't walk in right now.
  • I don't believe in all this stuff about safe sex.
  • I haven't done this for years.
  • The Alsation always sleeps there – I promise he won't bite.
  • If I'd known this was going to happen, I would have washed the sheets.
  • I hope my wife never finds out about this.
  • I met my last partner at the STI clinic.
  • I suppose if I want a child, I have to do this.
  • Paul bet me R10 I could get you into bed.
  • You must promise not to tell anyone about this.
  • I hope we don't wake the twins in the next room.
  • My friends gave me 12 dozen condoms for my birthday.
  • I can never have sex when I am sober.

(Susan Erasmus, Health24)


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