In the first part of the programme you learned how to use breathe to help control your sexual response. The same principles apply in more advanced sexual techniques and lovemaking.
There are also many different Tantric and Taoist breathing techniques for use during sex. Once you’re comfortable breathing deeply during sex rather than the quick contractive orgasm breathing you’ve been used to, you can use breath more effectively.
One of the functions of breathing during sex is to move energy through your body. This means that sensation can travel from your genitals and pelvis, filling your entire body with pleasure. Your whole body can become an organ of pleasure.
The connection between breathing and relaxation becomes clearer here as well: the deeper you breathe, the more relaxed you’ll be; the more relaxed you are, the more sensation will move through your body. If your muscles are tight and contracted, sensation stays in your pelvis.
Breathing will also heighten whatever sensation you feel. You can experience a very deep and powerful orgasm by breathing and relaxing.
The best way for this to happen is to lie on your back, your partner in charge.
They’re either stroking your penis or using their mouth or on top of you.
You lie as still as you can.
As you get closer to orgasm, breathe deeply; relax deeply (particularly your PC muscles).
Your partner keeps moving.
You allow the orgasm and ejaculation.
Staying as relaxed and still as you can.
It can make the orgasm longer and can also be very intense.
Sex is being
That sex has to end in orgasm is more a pattern than anything else. It’s also a result of sex being a goal-driven activity, where we rate sex by how many orgasms you have had.
Instead, be in the moment. Relish the delicious sensations for the sake of sensation. It’s the journey that holds the power, not the destination.
There’s a saying: we’re human beings not human doings. Instead of having orgasms, be orgasms. Get close to coming. Stop, breathe, relax. Do this as many times as you like. Each time you stop, your body will fill with more and more sexual energy.
At some point: stop, lie on your back, very still, no touching. Savour the ecstasy for at least 20 minutes. It’s sexual meditation. It’s Tantra.
(Jonti Searll, sensualist, October 2010)
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