Updated 07 October 2014

Does size matter?

Sexologist Dr Elna McIntosh answers this frequently asked question.


One of the most frequently asked questions in the world of sex and lovemaking is "Does the size of my penis matter to a woman? And can I make it bigger?"

Could I have the attention of the entire world for one second, please?

*There are no drugs that make your penis bigger.
*There are no drugs that make your penis bigger.
*There are no drugs that make your penis bigger.

Now which part of that don’t people understand?

As art, literature, and folk medicine attest, the desire for a larger penis has been with us for thousands of years. Alas, neither Egyptians, nor Mesopotamians, Romans, Phoenicians, or Victorians discovered a solution. Anyone who’d like more heft in their package but can’t figure out how, is not alone.

ReadDon’t have penis enlargement!

Ways to make the penis seem bigger

A man can shave his pubic hair to create the illusion of a bigger penis.

He can have fat injected into his penis, which will make it look bigger for a while. When the fat settles after 4-6 months, however, he’ll have a lumpy penis no larger than he started with.

And he can have the ligament holding his penis to his abdomen cut, so more of it dangles down away from his body.

Again, this will give the illusion of a bigger penis. But he does have to allow someone to put a sharp scalpel very close to his favourite piece of flesh, with results that are not entirely guaranteed.

It’s an illusion that requires a roll of the surgical dice.

Read: You're not just a penis!

Why the interest in a larger penis endures in men.

You’d think there were some long tradition of women throughout history shrieking from the riverbanks, “if only my man were bigger, I’d be happier!” It just isn’t true.

Women seem to want many things - more kissing, cuddling, and cunnilingus, among others - but an extra inch here or there is not the dream of most women.

The desire for a bigger penis, I think, is really the desire for other things - relaxation, more confidence, disinhibition, an insight into women, even wisdom. Unlike penis size, those things are actually available. But a man has to be willing to learn a few things about himself and eroticism, and let go of some beliefs, attitudes, misinformation, and, well, a certain unhelpful attitude.

Rather, be a good lover

Great books that can help anyone do this include Zilbergeld’s Male Sexuality; Castleman’s Sexual Solutions; Slowinski’s The Sexual Male, and Kerner’s She Comes First.

Talking to one’s mate honestly - and, even more important, listening closely - also helps one acquire sexual wisdom and self-confidence. De-emphasising intercourse is a good place to start.

(Picture: couple in bed from Shutterstock)

Read more:

What happens when 'healers' promise to enlarge your penis
Man-Hood mapping - penis sizes across the world
Sizing up the small penis - why are men such willy-worriers?




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