08 February 2013

Saying Yes

Watch any TV sitcom and at some point you’ll hear a reference to the “third-date rule”.


Watch any TV sitcom and at some point you’ll hear a reference to the “third-date rule”. Interpretation of the rule varies, but essentially it means that there should not be sex before the third date. The effect, though, in these fictional stories is there is often pressure to say yes, ready or not. This myth that there is an arbitrary right or wrong time to have sex is not good for anyone who is trying to have a loving, orgasmic and mutually pleasurable sexual experience.

Here are our rules about Yes:

  • Two yeses are required for a Yes. If either party feels No or Maybe, then there is no Yes.
  • “Oh, alright, then” is not a Yes.
  • There is no Yes from children under the age of consent (16 in South Africa for both sexes). As an adult it’s your responsibility to know that.
  • You can change your mind about Yes. It’s awkward to explain to the half-naked person that you would actually rather wait, but better a little awkwardness than longer-lasting regret.
  • A Yes doesn’t mean you have to say Yes again. Just because you had sex with this person once, or 20 times, or for 20 years, doesn’t mean you are obliged to always say Yes.
  • The best type of Yes comes in threes: “yes, yes YES!” Those are worth waiting for.

Any questions? Ask the Sexologist 


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