I’m constantly amazed by how many of my male compatriots seem to be stuck somewhere in the Dark Ages when it comes to their perceptions of women and their sexuality. Ridiculously clichéd misconceptions abound. Women who talk, joke or even think about sex, let alone claim to enjoy it, are habitually labeled as "easy", "loose" or "slutty".
The kind of women that men are meant to marry are still supposed to be saving themselves, both physically and emotionally, for their one true love, virtually asexual in body and mind. Men, by stark contrast, are, by definition, expected to have sex on their mind 24/7 and being promiscuous is still considered a reasonably normal and even culturally acceptable aspect of masculinity.
It turns out that many a man’s stereotyped ideas about women and sex are far removed from reality. Jocelyn Wentland, a Canadian researcher with a particular interest in women’s sexuality has conducted an extensive online survey of hundreds of women, most of them between 20 and 30, and the results are quite revealing.
Wentland found that there are many (about half of her study group) “highly sexual women who are confident in their sexual ability, think about sex a lot, and enjoy masturbating”. According to Wentland, they “do not fit the traditional stereotype of women as sexually passive and not as interested in sex as men.”
Here are some of the results, many of which are borne out by our very own sex survey:
Approximately 90% of the women surveyed said that they are comfortable with initiating sex with a partner.
Some 93% find fantasising about sex arousing while 88% said that they are “easily sexually aroused”.
More than 80% “really enjoy masturbating to orgasm” and over 90% of those who do don’t feel guilty about it afterwards.
About 58% like to use sex toys on their own and 55% like doing so with a partner.
Almost 75% said that they would “like to have sex once a day”, but only 27% have sex once or twice a week.
Many of the participating women also enjoy casual sex in a variety of different types of relationships, ranging from one-night-stands and “booty calls” to “friends with benefits” and regular “fuck buddies”.
So there! While this particular survey may not be completely representative of the “average” woman – whatever that is – I think it’s safe to say that we guys can finally discard the popular perception of all women as sexually inhibited.
Why am I harping on about this? Well, we all know that most guys really struggle to relate to women emotionally. But I think many of us also have considerable difficulties in connecting with them on a sexual level. Throwing away your old-fashioned ideas about how you think the women in your life feel about sex and finding out what’s really on their minds will go a long way towards overcoming those difficulties.
What have you got to lose except some silly inhibitions? You stand to gain significantly more intimate and rewarding relationships and, chances are, a much more satisfying sex life.
(Andrew Luyt, Health24, May 2010)