Ever catch yourself reminiscing about the times when your sex life was passionate, exciting and, well, more than just the occasional repeat performance of the routine you and your partner perfected years ago? Why leave it at reminiscing? There’s absolutely no reason why you can’t re-invigorate matters and make things exhilarating again.
For many long-term couples there is a natural tendency to steadily become closer and more comfortable as friends and life companions rather than evolving as lovers as the years go by. Here are a couple of ideas to help you reinvent your sex life. Remember that different things will work for different people and couples. You’ll have to experiment and find out what’s best for you. But that’s half the fun.
If you feel that you’re not getting enough or think that your sex life is lacking in quality, then tell your partner. Chances are they feel the same. Honesty is the first and most important ingredient in identifying and rectifying any problems. Before either of you start looking for sexual gratification elsewhere or simply resign yourself to a sexless future, talk about how you feel and discuss ideas to sex things up again.
Be honest with your partner and with yourself. Tell them what you’re missing and what you’d really like to try, and allow them the freedom to do the same. Keep communicating and speak about the things that work for you and those that don’t, especially if you’re going to try out new experiences.
Challenge yourself by exploring the unfamiliar. You might be surprised by the results! The secret is never to assume that just because you’ve known someone intimately for years means that you know everything that turns them on. Lose your inhibitions and try new locations and positions, make out in the car, spend more time on exploring new foreplay techniques, play act your fantasies and experiment with sex toys. Your options are only restricted by your imagination. Be sure to discuss and respect each others boundaries and only ever engage in activities with mutual consent.
Once you discovered a new and exciting activity or technique, don’t flog it until it becomes boring. Don’t stop expanding your joined sexual repertoire and keep on working on new skills to seduce and please your partner. Rebel against the routine of repeating the same thing over and over again just because it works.
Don’t be afraid to surprise your partner – and yourself – sexually every now and then. The thrill of the unexpected and unrehearsed can be exhilarating as long as all participants feel save. Of course it isn’t always easy to let yourself be directed by your passion when you have a life full of work issues, children, family and more to worry about. Next time an unexpected moment of intimate potential presents itself, why not act on it rather than letting it pass by because it’s outside of your usual routine? You won’t regret it.
An exiting sex life isn’t only about the spontaneous and the unexpected. Never underestimate the delicious sense of titillation that comes with planning an erotic interlude in advance. You’ll give yourself the space to use your creativity and develop your fantasies in ways that aren’t usually possible in spontaneous situations. Getting into the habit of making time for sex isn’t a bad thing at all and in the end what works for most is a good balance between spontaneity and planning.
When all else fails, don’t be too proud not to try to seek outside help. Consult a professional sex therapist or couples’ councillor if you’re worried that there may be something in your relationship that is hampering your sex life. Therapy may well help you overcome certain underlying problems that are standing in your way and which you may not be able to solve on your own.
(Andrew Luyt, Health24, August 2011)
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