advertisement
Updated 06 June 2014

10 Bedroom mood killers

These 10 warning points are worth remembering. (Or forwarding to your lover.)

0
It would be nice if we were all constantly brimming with unrequited passion like Edward and Bella...But we’re not. Which makes keeping the mood once you’ve caught it all the more important.

1. Bad breath.
While funky arm pits can be a turn on and sweat a useful lubricant, bad breath is never cool. Keep breath mints in your bedside drawer at all times, along with the condoms. Also follow the basic rule: if you’re not sure, your breath is probably a bit dodge. Oh, and minty lube might work in a pinch.

2. Washing machine kissing.
I have never found someone who actually likes a tongue tonsil scrubbing. You? Exactly. Keep your tongue where you can still feel it. And start slow. You can’t go wrong with a slow, tension-building snoglet.

3. Stampeding south
One of my favourite lines ever is from The Meaning of Life is when the Cleese school master character is teaching sexual education, with the help of his wife.

“No need to go stampeding for the clitoris, boy, give the girl a KISS!”

My thoughts exactly.

3. Terrible music
This is obviously quite subjective, so I asked my Twitterstream to give a few examples. They suggest avoiding, inter alia:
-    The Macarena
-    ‘He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother’
-    ‘Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?’
-    ‘I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie World...’
-    ‘Pump up the Jam’
-    ‘Like a Virgin’
-    De La Rey

You get the picture.

4. Farting
Actually, on second thought, that might actually be quite a sweet ice-breaker, if you’re both nice and it doesn’t smell too bad.

5. The phone
Tell me you don’t answer the phone during sex. A friend once told me a guy texted while she was going down on him, but I hope that was just a horribly bad dream.

7. The TV, the laptop, the iPad...

Again, all totally unacceptable. Unless of course, you are porn folk. Then hey, go right ahead.

6. Children knocking on the door
Or, much much worse, children STANDING IN THE DOORWAY.

7. Inappropriate gestures
So obvious, yet such a regular passion killer, possibly because filters are rarely at optimum setting while turned on.  Rule of thumb? Don’t compare anything to your thumb. Or shrug. Or – and I can’t stress this enough – ROLL YOUR EYES.

8. Cats
It’s creepy to have sex with a cat in the room, dude. It just is.

9. Snorting
Many, many animal like noises are sexy in the bedroom. Snorting is not one of them.

10. Snoring

Like snorting, snoring is never good.

Got any bedroom mood killers you’d like to add? Do so, below.


Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.

 
advertisement

Read Health24’s Comments Policy

Comment on this story
0 comments
Comments have been closed for this article.

Live healthier

Get rid of lice! »

Toddler dies after DIY lice treatment Back-to-school head lice Comb out head lice

20 head lice myths debunked

Head lice are tiny, wingless insects that live in human hair. They cannot fly, jump or swim and are spread by head-to-head contact. Check out this infographic to learn more.

About gout »

Treatment of Gout Signs and symptoms of gout What is Gout?

Is your diet causing gout?

Suffering from gout? There's a lot you can do to prevent this horribly painful condition. Start by cutting out these 14 foods.