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In our society we have sanitised death. We live in a culture obsessed with youth, and quite frankly, it is unpleasant for most people to contemplate their mortality.
That is probably the reason why people who are otherwise very well organised, sometimes die intestate, leaving financial chaos in their wake.
But death, or impending death, also has the ability to crack open the fault lines that already exist in a family. The intensity of the emotions awakened by issues surrounding end-of-life care or death has torn many families apart – ironically at a time when they most need one another's support.
The controversy surrounding Mandla Mandela and his decision to move some family graves is an excellent example. In many other families, siblings end up squabbling for years over the will of a parent who has died.
And while money and the distribution of possessions often lie at the heart of it, this infighting is frequently a symptom of deeper-lying issues: old sibling rivalries, perceived or real injustices from the past, favouritism in the family. With the death of a parent also comes the changing of power dynamics in a family. And all change comes with a certain degree of trauma.
What someone leaves us has become a symbol of how they felt about us, whether rightly or wrongly. Our society has a nasty habit of measuring affection in rands and cents, and not even death can change that.
This should inspire all of us to put together the kind of will that treats our nearest and dearest fairly. I would hate it if the way I disposed of my few earthly goods is to be blamed for feuds that last years and tear a family apart.
On a more practical level: do you know what to do when someone dies? This article gives straightforward practical advice on a topic no one wants to talk about.
Have you experienced family rivalry over a will? Write to us and tell us about it.
That is probably the reason why people who are otherwise very well organised, sometimes die intestate, leaving financial chaos in their wake.
But death, or impending death, also has the ability to crack open the fault lines that already exist in a family. The intensity of the emotions awakened by issues surrounding end-of-life care or death has torn many families apart – ironically at a time when they most need one another's support.
The controversy surrounding Mandla Mandela and his decision to move some family graves is an excellent example. In many other families, siblings end up squabbling for years over the will of a parent who has died.
And while money and the distribution of possessions often lie at the heart of it, this infighting is frequently a symptom of deeper-lying issues: old sibling rivalries, perceived or real injustices from the past, favouritism in the family. With the death of a parent also comes the changing of power dynamics in a family. And all change comes with a certain degree of trauma.
What someone leaves us has become a symbol of how they felt about us, whether rightly or wrongly. Our society has a nasty habit of measuring affection in rands and cents, and not even death can change that.
This should inspire all of us to put together the kind of will that treats our nearest and dearest fairly. I would hate it if the way I disposed of my few earthly goods is to be blamed for feuds that last years and tear a family apart.
On a more practical level: do you know what to do when someone dies? This article gives straightforward practical advice on a topic no one wants to talk about.
Have you experienced family rivalry over a will? Write to us and tell us about it.
