06 August 2010

19 things you must never water down

The finest things in life should remain potent.


The finest things in life should remain potent.

1.The f-word. When you overuse it, you dilute its punch. But when the time is right, just see how far “Forget you, man! Forget you!” will take you.

2 Sorrows. They won’t drown. Trust us.

3 Your desires. If you keep to yourself how badly you want a raise, oral sex or a biscuit, you’ll score none of them. Nobody can read your mind.

4 Her T-shirt. Unless she says, “Please, please, pretty please!”

5 Likes and dislikes. You don’t have to dig The Office. You don’t have to hate He’s Just Not That Into You. Enjoy what you enjoy and make no apologies. But you can, if you so choose, decide who to tell these things to. Which brings us to...

6 The truth. Dirty laundry, rattling skeletons, hidden histories: that is the truth. It’s so rare and valuable that people hoard it, bury it and pay huge sums to keep it secret. The truth equals your true worth. That’s why it’s so powerful when you speak it in full. Which you should, when you speak it at all.

7 Your gaze. Focused eyes speak. They are passionate. They tell a woman that she’s meaningful and a man that you mean business. Don’t look away until they know it.

8 Your reaction to someone’s deliberate disrespect.

9 Family time. When you are with the people that matter, leave your phone alone and appreciate what’s really important.

10 Time for yourself. You’re not alone if your cellphone is on. Or if you’re checking email. Or if – hey, what’s your girlfriend doing here? Tell her to go home. It’s okay, really. People may always be looking for you, but they’ll understand if you’re not always available.

11 Your praise. Two things enrich a compliment: earnestness and a heartfelt grin. One thing makes your compliment worthless: the word “but”.

12 Chillies. Water won’t help you a damn bit. Milk, my friend, milk.

13 Pancake mix. Leave it goopy and you’ll get flapjacks like soft couch cushions.

14 Effort. It’s easy to say you’ll give it your all. But if that were easy to actually do, wouldn’t you be done by now?

15 Your other five senses: humour, style, direction, honour and wonder.

16 Your manners. Ladies will appreciate it – and other men will respect it.

17 The World Cup. The biggest sporting event on the planet and the biggest party our country will ever see.

18 Your brain. Do you have any idea how much more satisfying Chandler, Hemingway, Capote and other writers are than reality TV? Any idea?

19 Anything you create. Whether you’re building a brick braai or writing a novel, if there’s a certain way you want it, you damn well better make it that way. Compromise with women and neighbours, not yourself.

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