Childhood Diseases

Posted by: MG | 2009-02-24


Trauma in 14 month old daughter

Hello! An answer to your question:

I have a 14-month old daughter with my boyfriend. Two
weekends ago, he and i got into an argument that escalated
to him grabbing my arm to get my attention, and when i
still ignored him, he became enraged and threw things
across the room in anger, stormed out and went into the
other room throwing things, breaking glass and yelling with
rage. At the onset of his rage, our daughter had ran to me
crying, mortified. As his rage grew worse, she got more
terrified that she begun to shake and scream. The whole
time she kept looking towards the door - maybe in the fear
that he would come back to hurt us. At this point i grabbed
her baby-bag and ran out with her, comforing her - even
though i wasnt okay myself. We got into my car and consoled
her before we left. She cried alot, grabbing me in fear,
but i smiled at her and assured her all was well. i had to
drive off with her on my lap because she completely refused
to sit alone on her car chair or even the passenger seat.
That night, she woke up several times crying...
Now i know our public display was a huge mistake and we
have both learnt and vowed never to display any kind of
issues in her presence, but i still feel some damage has
been done.
Even though her and her dad are not as close as we are
(mainly because we do not live together), they connect very
well. He has never displayed such anger before and it
shocked both of us. We went back to his house last weekend
and she cried alot most of the time, especially when i went
out of sight. Her dad is trying alot to win her affection
back by playing with her, but she still shows some
reservation as she cries often when with him. Worse still,
she has started throwing things when angry and cries over
petty things that never bothered her before. She' s very
clingy to me and cries when i get into sight - not coz
she' s sad, more like for attention. She' s always been a
happy child and would not like for this issue to bring
about supressed issues in the future. What can we do.

Thanking You,

Expert's Reply



I am not sure if I have already replied to you about your original question or not.Your little daughter has been severely traumatised by her father's bad temper and behaviour. It seems as if it would not be safe for her to be alone with him given his violent temper. Young as she is she is now very wary of him. Is he really trying to make amends for his behaviour or does he think he will win you back this way? He needs to go for counselling and only once he has actually had counselling should you allow him access to see your little girl.You will have to show her great patience and love to get her over this stage.

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user comments


Posted by: Annies | 2009-02-25

Remember she is your first responsibility. Don not try and defend him and tell yourself it will not happen again. If it happenend once it is sure to happen again!!!!

Reply to Annies

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