Depression

Question
Posted by: Nikanor Milan | 2017/11/14

Q.

Help as i am confused

I have a problem. This year around June i just found out that my husband was having an affair with my 17 year old nanny and i found out by going in his phone and saw that its the nanny that smsed him telling him she was horny. Ok it was terrible but forgave him. So school holiday my neice came to visit us and she is only 15 and my niece just came to show me an sms that cane from my husband saying if i do this for you what will you do? And even told my niece to delete the sms than i forgave him, now i just got a nanny 2 months back and last week my nanny told me i should sent her back because she does not want to sleep with my husband. He even bought her lingerie. He admitted to buying them but denies wanting to sleep with her. What must i do? I am confused.

Expert's Reply

A.

Depression expert
- 2017/11/15

Hi Nikanor,
Your husband may feel that you have effectively given him permission to engage in his improper and borderline pedophile sexual impulses and behaviours. As I understand SA law ( which in this area is needlessly confusing and not obviously rational ), for instance, a child under 16 may not be able to give consent to sexual behaviour.
Why do you keep on "forgiving" him for what appear to be repeated attempts to establish sexual relations with particularly young women, who don't appear to be looking for it ?  Doe he, by the way, usually buy underwear for other women ? Of just very young nanny's ? 
Forgiving someone for bad behaviour they obviously do not repent and keep repeating, is foolish and encourages him to continue.  There is no  virtue or value in forgiving someone for truly bad behavior they repeat.  Maybe you need to consult a lawyer about your options, but it sounds as though he is determined to have relationships with much younger women and not with you.

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