Pardon my English response - I cannot express myself well in Afrikaans.
You sound extremely frustrated and with the difficulties you describe, it is not surprising.
In terms of medication, at 4 years he is technically too young for prescribed meds such as Ritalin, Concerta and Straterra. However, there are natural supplements you can take such as ADDvance, EyeQ, Biostrath etc that are high in Omegas which aid concentration - not so much the hyperactivity but the concentration at least (you could provide omegas alone). Evening Primrose oil is also beneficial at night to assist with calming and falling asleep.
In terms of diet: high protein low carbohydrates is best. A reduction in sugar and preservatives is a good idea too.
My final suggestion would be to consult a professional who can assist with establishing rules and consequences in your home so that you and your husband can be in charge again rather than your oldest son.
Best of luck,
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