I wish I could provide more comforting words, but unfortunately all the behaviours you have listed above are very common with ADHD.
You seem to be on the right track by having developed a system regarding important messages; perhaps taking this approach through to other areas will help? For example, leaving notes above the light switch to remind her to switch them off, or above the towel rail to remind her to hang up the towel can help to do away with "little" annoyances and reduce family tensions. For more serious matters, if a system is in place, instilling a consequence may do the trick. This needn't be something severe, but perhaps loosing TV privelages for an hour.
The most important factor is for you to remain calm and try not to get emotional about such things (I know this is easier said than done). If instilling systems and consequences does not aid the matter, it may be worthwhile discussing her behaviours with her prescribing doctor and checking that her dosage is still optimal.
Enrolling her in a sport of some kind may help with the clumsiness and should boost concentration if only for an hour or so.
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