What do you get her on the first date? Most guys would have spent hours, if not days, pondering this elusive question. Well, it's time this issue gets put to rest. We asked our five South African women:

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When you go on that first date, do you expect a bunch of flowers or something? If so, what do you think is the ideal first-date gift?

Randy
Flowers are always good, whether it is the first or twentieth date. Stay away from the clichés though – carnations and roses. They have hidden messages you don’t necessarily want to convey. I hate carnations, they remind me of funerals, and roses can mean different things, such as yellow ones for friendship.

Frankly, I have enough friends, thanks. But I also don’t want a bunch of red roses – it is a first date, dear. Rather find out what she likes from her friends. Offer me a nice Romeo and Juliet cigar after dinner and you will score major brownie points. But that’s just me.

Flowers are not always a must. If you make the effort to do something special or exciting, you will be remembered, no matter what happens. If you have the cash, take her flying. If you don’t, a picnic on the beach with candles shows you made the effort. Sometimes it pays to be original – go-carting is cool and something completely different (just warn her to wear jeans and sneakers).

Women differ though, and I might be completely off base here. Do your research, dear man, and you will be rewarded.

Candy
Nope, the first date is definitely too soon for a gift – it will just scare the hell out of me and I’ll instantly feel smothered!

However, if things are going well and it looks like there’s a mutual interest, a small bunch of flowers would be nice on the third or fourth date, or so.

And if it starts to develop into a steady relationship, a woman likes flowers every once in a while (and not just for her birthday or Valentine’s Day!).

Mary-Jane
I’m an old-fashioned girl – so flowers work for me. No red roses though – they are too romantic for a first date. I like something fresh, like white lilies or sunflowers, for a difference.

If my date rocks up empty-handed, the date better be extra special – I gauge his interest in me according to the effort he puts in the date.

Dora
One gets to a stage in the dating game where flowers are not essential. And they're awkward, especially if you're in a restaurant and you don't happen to be carrying a vase in your handbag. But I suppose it's the thought that counts.

So, what are essential things then, if not flowers? What about being punctual, not leaving your personality at home, planning something a little more original than a movie and a burger at a fast-food joint, not being dressed like Goofy, not yapping on about your ex-wife or girlfriend and remembering to bring your sense of humour to the party?

These are all things most women would appreciate more than a large or inappropriate gift - which only serves to make women feel as if they are under pressure to hop into the sack with you. So in other words, rather than arriving with huge gifts, just try and make the evening as pleasant as possible.

Priscilla
I don’t mind getting stuff on the first date, but I’m so bored of the same old same old. It’s always flowers or chocolates, and it’s so clichéd and Hollywood-like.

If you're going to get me something, get me something different. The last guy I went out with bought me a pink dinky-toy Porshe with a red ribbon around it. I thought that was really cute.

Chat about this question on our Man Talk peer forum.

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