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 The social life
10 don'ts for Valentine's Day

Rat race, concrete jungle, survival of the fittest. That's what most of the year feels like for working people. But there's one day on the calendar given over to romance – St Valentine's Day.

 
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This day is meant for spoiling the one you love and for doing things that would look more than a bit ridiculous any other day of the year. And it doesn't have to cost you a fortune – few people can spend thousands on jewellery, so chill out.

But rather do nothing at all, than any of the following:

Send the secretary. You have forgotten about Valentine's Day, until you arrived at the office and saw other people's flowers and balloons. You send your personal assistant out with R100 in the lunch hour to get something on the double. Women - and men – know when a gift has no personal flavour to it. These gifts have that secondhand, last-minute air to them.

Explicit cards. If you are sure that the person to whom you are sending a very explicit card will find it funny, it can probably do no harm. But do make sure – she/he might not share your sense of humour. And if it's a colleague or someone from your social circle, they might just actually think you're quite weird and a bit sick and definitely to be avoided in the future.

Wilting flowers. February is hot, and flowers that have been out of water in the boiling sun at the traffic lights for much of the day, have reached the end of their natural lifespan. Giving someone a bunch of wilted red roses is definitely worse than giving them nothing at all.

A quick e-mail. What this message actually says is, "I forgot about St Valentine's Day and when I got to work, I thought a quick e-mail may do the trick to get you off my neck." Unless you're sending a poem or an invitation to a mystery outing, don't go down this road.

A cheap family restaurant. Valentine's Day is about making someone feel special. The local steakhouse or Chinese takeaway is unlikely to do that. If you can't afford an expensive restaurant, farm the kids out (if you have any) and cook a special meal at home. And wash up afterwards.

Over-the-top gift. Buying a very expensive gift you cannot afford, places your Valentine in a difficult position. Gifts are nice to receive, but not if the recipient knows it's going to cause bounced debit orders and a severe cash-flow problem for the next few months. Give only what won't make the other person feel obligated and/or guilty.

Here Kitty, Kitty. A pet is not an ideal gift, unless you are absolutely sure that it is what your Valentine is looking for. Pets are expensive to maintain and deserve good and loving care on an ongoing basis. Many pets that are given as presents, end up as strays and become the problem of animal welfare organisations. Have a little compassion before farming out pets.

Gift vouchers. While no one is ungrateful when they receive a gift voucher, it is a tad impersonal for Valentine's Day. This day is about personal gifts, about something that has been carefully chosen. A gift voucher is the opposite of this.

Unwanted gifts. Don't do a last-minute recycling of unwanted gifts you have lying around your home. If you didn't like it in the first place, you can't expect someone else to be ecstatic about it. This also lacks the personal touch, and this will be very obvious.

Surprise. There's a reason people cry at surprise parties – and it's not always for joy. Most people like to be mentally prepared for events, to have a hand in planning something they would enjoy. Unless you know someone very well, don't organise a big surprise for Valentine's Day. The surprise might be on you, when this person decides never to see you again.

(Susan Erasmus, Health24)

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