Spot an online loser
Last updated: Monday, September 13, 2010 PrintThe internet has become the dance-floor of the new millennium. These days you don't ask someone for a dance, you read their profile and look at their picture. If you like what you see, you send them an email.
But what are the things that you should avoid? Which things in someone's ad should make you run like the wind?
Spelling errors. On an online dating site, a person probably has about five seconds to make an impression on you. There's lots of competition. If it's too much trouble to run their blurb through the spell-check on their computer, how much do they actually care? And what's more, how much truth do you think there is in their claim that they have a postgraduate degree if they cannot spell 'intelligent'?
Already attached. Unless this person is looking for friends – of the same sex – head straight past. If they are still married, how come they're looking for romantic attachments? This kind of ad should make your warning lights flash. Keep right on going past.
A rose by any other name. The name someone chooses for themselves says a lot about who they are, what they're looking for and their attitude to life and relationships. Kinkyjane, Studfarm and Slipperyandwet leave little margin for error when deciding what they're looking for. Steer clear of those with names such as Saveme or Desperate – they're not looking for a relationship, they're looking for a meal ticket for life.
A picture paints a thousand words. If someone does not put in a picture at all with their ad, or a picture where they are more or less wholly obscured by the Rottweiler, the tractor or the knitting, there is a problem. Another problem occurs when the picture is so blurred that it could be of anyone south of the Sahara, male or female. No one expects all other people to be oil paintings – let's face it, 90% of the people checking out the site are no oil paintings themselves. So what's with the no-show picture? Go for someone with a clear picture, who is smiling and who looks genuine, even if they won't win a beauty contest.
Kids living with me. Think carefully about this one. You might be a single parent yourself and finding another one and having a good relationship could be very fulfilling. But if you have no experience of kids and are not even sure about whether you want any of your own, think twice. Becoming a stepmom or stepdad is not easy and should not be done without careful consideration. For your sake and for the sake of the children.
Too good to be true. 'Sexy girl just looking to share fun times' sounds too good to be true, because it is. So who gets to share the not-so-fun-times when the Great Dane vomits on the carpet or a pipe bursts under the bathroom floor? Life does not just consist of fun times – alas. Even with the fun times rolling, a time will come when things will have to be taken a step further, or you'll have to move on. Life is not one endless merry-go-round of fun, fun, fun.(Where are all these nature lovers who love the Great Outdoors? Could they be slouching at home watching yet another video?) Oh, and once you get a real name, do go and check the Facebook profile. things might not add up.
Looking for daytime fun. This man or woman is cheating on his or her spouse or live-in lover. What's more, the spouse probably doesn't know about it. Don't be surprised on contacting this one if you are charged for his or her services.
No baggage. People who say this about themselves have a serious problem. Everyone has baggage – that's if you've registered a body temperature somewhere in the last 10 years. If the person doesn't even realise that he or she has baggage, the problem is much bigger than was previously thought.
El Desperado strikes again. When someone is very non-specific about the person they are looking for, except about their required income, you should smell a rat. This is not about getting a new partner, this is about getting Mr or Mrs Moneybags who will take over all responsibility for their debts and general financial welfare. – (Susan Erasmus, Health24, updated March 2010)
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Your Comments
Exactly
That's about the full list of reasons why I don't do internet dating (because what else is there?). Maybe also the fact that websites ask for money, so it's in their best interest to keep you hopeful and make you come back again and again.
What's the problem with single parents?
Calling someone who has " Kids living with me" an online loser is pretty harsh! It might make them an unsuitable match for some, but doesn't necessarily mean there's nobody out there for them.
This comment suggests that single parents, especially those that have shouldered the responsibility of looking after their kids (alone) are not deserving of finding love and happiness again.
From a guy (divorced, no kids) looking for a fresh start, good luck to all out there looking for someone special.
Thanks Matt!
You took the words right outa my mouth! (divorced, 1 kid)
Hmm ...
I disagree with the point about single parents who have children living with them. Sure, such a partner isn't necessarily what someone may be looking for, but that doesn't make him or her a loser. Rather than use single parents as an example, I'd have picked far more obvious loser traits, like a profile that's filled with bitterness (seriously, stay away from anyone who makes unpleasant remarks on their profile), someone who constantly refers to previous bad relationships in their profile, etc.
Spelling Errors Mean Nothing
Your " spelling errors" point is ignorant that attaches stigma unnecessarily. Poor spelling is not an indication that the writer is a loser or lacks intelligence. My brother, a dyslexic, has a brilliant brain and is a successful businessman. Spelling checker software can be helpful to dyslexics but also can be very confusing for them to use. Branson, Da Vinci and Edison could not spell – would you class them as losers too? Another example, you can spell but clearly you are -|- ing stupid.
pictures
I didn't put a picture up on my profile because I didn't want people I know, either personally or through business, running across my profile and reading the silly things I had to say about myself (and yes, I did come across profiles of people I knew on the sites). Funnily enough, I started screening out people who asked to see my photo on the first email. They always chucked me, because I'm not an oil painting, and asking for a photo so quickly indicated that that was what they wanted...
Pathetic
How pathetic human beings have not become. This article describes exactly how shallow people are these days.
Relationship
I met the lady of my dreams on a chat site.... been together now for 9 years and have a 4 yr old!
Would never have met if it were not for the chat site!
Agree with Artman
I agree Artman, I have been with my fiance for 5 and a half years now, we met through MXit. If you know what you're looking for and are careful with what info you put out there, things should be fine. Also, people need to develop a good BS meter, to discern if the person is really who they say they are.
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