Ben is doing the Comrades on Sunday. In his pyjamas in front of the TV. But don’t laugh – it requires an enormous amount of pre-race preparation.

Here are some essential survival tips for the armchair ultra-marathon participants.

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The early bird. You want to see the start of the race? You’re going to have to practise to get up in the dark. Set your alarm clock for 5:30 a few mornings in a row just to get acquainted with the sound, so that it doesn’t alarm you on race morning.

Training is all. You cannot hope to sit through twelve hours of watching TV without adequate training. This should have started months ago. If you have any hope of watching until the last no-hoper crosses the finishing line, you should have watched at least four hours of TV per day since January.

Carbo-loading. Eating all day is no mean feat. Especially if we’re talking chips, hamburgers, popcorn and hot dogs. Learning to make your own popcorn in the microwave is not something that should be left until race day. By now you should have scouted all the takeaway joints close to home – is their food really fast, or is that just a false promise? You should be on first-name terms with the pizza delivery man by now, otherwise you’ve got no hope of receiving your home-delivered pizza. It’s a Sunday after all. You need to build up those energy levels, so get dialling.

The right gear. You cannot hope to complete watching the race without the right gear. Jeans that are too tight will cause chafing, and shoes that don’t fit properly can cause blisters. Don’t try and watch the race in new shoes. Choose a pair in which you’ve done some TV training. Slippers and pyjamas will also do, provided you’re sure no one is going to come and visit.

Your race partner. If you choose someone to watch the race with you, it should be someone you know well, and someone with whom you have watched hours and hours of TV before. There is nothing more irritating than someone who wants to talk while you’re concentrating on the race. You need someone to be with you to the end, not someone who is going to drop out to take a cell phone call, or take a ride home halfway through, or fall asleep.

Proper preparation. How comfortable is the chair in which you are going to spend twelve hours? Do you have an adequate number of cushions? Or even better, does the chair recline? Does it give adequate back support, or are you going to be hobbling to the chiropractor on Monday? And the TV? When last did you have it properly serviced? Do you have extra batteries for the remote?

Staying hydrated. The importance of this cannot be stressed strongly enough. A dehydrated watcher is simply not going to make the finishing line. There’s water for those who forgot to buy fizzy drinks, coffee and beer. But, hey, who wants to sip water during the race?

Post-race relaxation. Now is the time to look after yourself. Twelve hours in one position in front of the TV is enough to make your joints stiff, and give you a backache. It might be an idea to go for a short walk – or dare we suggest a run around the block?

Read all about running if watching the Comrades has inspired you.

(Susan Erasmus, Health24.com, June 2007)
 

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